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Obsession

Obsession, like its Gorgon sisters, Compulsion and Addiction, consumes, setting fires that burn long down the river of time. So it was with M, who, in the twilight of her teens, began the obsession that would infuse everything she did, everything she was, with its insidious siren song. Sometimes smoldering, sometimes raging conflagration, it burned through five careers, three marriages, the love of two children, numerous cats, oceans of alcohol, truckloads of chocolate chip mint ice cream. She had tried so many times to control it, had seen a legion of therapists, gone through forests of tissues drying torrents of tears in countless sessions, allContinue readingObsession

Week 08

i believe there is free will, but it is not unencumbered free will… essentially, consciousness exists to make sense of the world in a way that allows prediction and actions based on predictions… how could predictions and actions around those predictions not be some kind of free will?… by the same token, we predict and act on predictions in the service of preconscious instincts and desires… … Continue readingWeek 08

Week 07

February 15, 2020 225.0 lbs 8:09 AM – Big Mouth Coffee Roasters … K and A in the store today… bitter cold… household up when i am… made a cassoulet, bitter green salad, chocolate mousse for Valentines day last night, H got me a set of Opinel Knives including a vegetable peeler and bread knife, with canvas pouch, for road trips, camping, etc… i check the bank account, i know we don’t have enough in checking to get through to H’s next SS check, going to need to be abstemious… forgot to bring computer glasses with me, oh well… need to do some catching up,Continue readingWeek 07

Week 06

finished Naomi Klein book, This Changes Everything… the earth is fucked, at least as far as human and animal habitation is concerned… the task of turning things around seems impossible and the news from the past is not promising… the best example of massive social change is the end of slavery which was brutal by all accounts… … Continue readingWeek 06

Week 05

i think more about panpsychism which i recently read about in Scientific American, it makes sense to me, i draw comfort from the idea that my atoms may be part of a larger consciousness whether gathered together to be me or not, perhaps we are just the eyes, ears, nose, tongue and hands of that larger consciousness, here to move its grasp of itself forward as we can… … Continue readingWeek 05

Week 04

we are unique creatures traveling through this corporate sameness and are comforted by the consistency which makes traveling predictable if not entirely pleasurable… … Continue readingWeek 04

Week 03

i have long wrestled with consciousness, the idea of it, the nature of it, what thoughtful person has not?… panpsychism, the idea that consciousness in not observable, it is experience and you may be able to dissect to some degree the mechanisms of experience rising into awareness in an organism, but one cannot get inside that experience… panpsychism posits the existence of experience even in sub atomic particles, but so rudimentary that we have no idea what the quality of that experience is… … Continue readingWeek 03

Week 02

my takeaway is that Cioran revels in fetid humanity, believes there is no meaning to life, thinks that any sane person should end their lives forthwith, there being no meaning it doesn’t matter if you are hero or coward, it is all the same, except one should be heroic enough to end it, which it is not clear that he ever took his own conclusions... … Continue readingWeek 02

Week 01

… i am attracted to this idea, does it mean that we are utterly alone in our universe because we alone created it?, and what role does a society of individual universes play in things?… … Continue readingWeek 01