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Week 13

March 28, 2020 220.2 lbs 6:09 AM – Home … bird singing loudly outside, daylight arriving, i have finished my Feedly stream for now, no, not finished, just did everything i had patience for, the bird singing gave me the urge to write now, the hum of the refrigerator, dogs sleeping in the living room, on the couch, or on the couch and chair, i can’t see them, i know without looking… Saturday morning, weekend, more than ever weekend and weekday seem the same, another day in hell about to unfold, hell is cold, quiet, lonely, i will look out on some of it, throughContinue readingWeek 13

Week 12

March 21, 2020 219.0 lbs 9:00 PM – Home … was expecting H to text, she hasn’t, hoping everything is ok… the supply chains are struggling, two postponements by the new vegetable source, Amazon faltering too, everyone trying to get what they need, have lots of food, several sources, it will be ok… it seems strange, i knew i would be ok with isolation, even so, i am so far better than i thought… lets see how it goes for week two… watching the squid and the whale, kind of depressing, screwed up family, Jeff Daniels, Laura Linney, i need a photo walk tomorrow… 7:37Continue readingWeek 12

Week 11

March 14, 2020 No weight 8:00 AM – BI … trying to think through next moves, i am due to return to Beacon tomorrow and thinking i should not come back until pandemic subsides, that H should stay out here, this to protect M… thinking that i should be able to get all way home touching only one gas pump, i have gloves, shouldn’t be a problem… thinking that there is enough food in the house to last for a couple of months, shouldn’t have to go out at all, just for walks, long thoughtful walks… the virus spreading, we have no idea how much,Continue readingWeek 11

Week 09

February 29, 2020 February 28, 2020 223.4 lbs 7:21 AM – Big Mouth Coffee Roasters … corona virus top of mind, text message from H when i looked first thing this morning, NPR corona virus preparedness, need to stockpile food, frozen, canned, several weeks worth, when virus hits community will need to hunker down… we are in most vulnerable age group, i think about my parents, i think about myself and H, the key will be good hygiene, lots of hand washing, etc. wondering if i should keep my appointment for a physical if the virus has hit or is arriving, the news makes itContinue readingWeek 09

Week 08

i believe there is free will, but it is not unencumbered free will… essentially, consciousness exists to make sense of the world in a way that allows prediction and actions based on predictions… how could predictions and actions around those predictions not be some kind of free will?… by the same token, we predict and act on predictions in the service of preconscious instincts and desires… … Continue readingWeek 08

Week 07

February 15, 2020 225.0 lbs 8:09 AM – Big Mouth Coffee Roasters … K and A in the store today… bitter cold… household up when i am… made a cassoulet, bitter green salad, chocolate mousse for Valentines day last night, H got me a set of Opinel Knives including a vegetable peeler and bread knife, with canvas pouch, for road trips, camping, etc… i check the bank account, i know we don’t have enough in checking to get through to H’s next SS check, going to need to be abstemious… forgot to bring computer glasses with me, oh well… need to do some catching up,Continue readingWeek 07

Week 06

finished Naomi Klein book, This Changes Everything… the earth is fucked, at least as far as human and animal habitation is concerned… the task of turning things around seems impossible and the news from the past is not promising… the best example of massive social change is the end of slavery which was brutal by all accounts… … Continue readingWeek 06

Week 05

i think more about panpsychism which i recently read about in Scientific American, it makes sense to me, i draw comfort from the idea that my atoms may be part of a larger consciousness whether gathered together to be me or not, perhaps we are just the eyes, ears, nose, tongue and hands of that larger consciousness, here to move its grasp of itself forward as we can… … Continue readingWeek 05

Week 04

we are unique creatures traveling through this corporate sameness and are comforted by the consistency which makes traveling predictable if not entirely pleasurable… … Continue readingWeek 04

Week 03

i have long wrestled with consciousness, the idea of it, the nature of it, what thoughtful person has not?… panpsychism, the idea that consciousness in not observable, it is experience and you may be able to dissect to some degree the mechanisms of experience rising into awareness in an organism, but one cannot get inside that experience… panpsychism posits the existence of experience even in sub atomic particles, but so rudimentary that we have no idea what the quality of that experience is… … Continue readingWeek 03