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  • Week 31

    August 01, 2020

    228.2 lbs

    07:13 AM – walking, Pocket Road Trail

    … as i arrive a bunch of people who don’t seem prepared to wear masks heading up, i decide against hiking up myself, i will wait, during the week there are fewer people… “tin soldiers and Richard Nixon, four dead in Ohio,” plays over and over again in my head… we live in strange, dangerous times, the winds of Chaos… i am thinking garden work this morning, housework later?, the stream being loquacious…

    04:13 AM – dining room

    … weight up, despite calorie counting… Art Blart on Brassai, impressive, especially on people, mostly on people, which i rarely photograph, would i be good at that if i did?… an article in Lenscratch, Lynne Buchanan, not Aline Smithson, i am overcoming my annoyance with Aline for never accepting any of my submissions for publication, annoyed i think, because she presents so much, how could i not at some point be something she could share?, but i want to read the words of women writing about photography, Lenscratch is a good location for that… the article is about a Nat Geo photographer, retired, photographing a forest in Atlanta, i like the images, i have made similar, though with lesser equipment, i am sure… the photographer is Peter Essick, the work is Fernbank Forest… i read about Valery Faminsky, Berlin Mai 1945, Berlin in defeat, it surfaces, i am sure, because the author worries we are heading to a similar awful place in America, i read about it, because of similar worries, this week, 45 has talked about postponing the election, will this nightmare never end?, it lasted for twelve years in Germany, at least the most virulent version of it, there were years before when it grew, like a cancer, we are in that phase now, can we turn it back in time?…

    July 31, 2020

    227.2 lbs

    07:50 Am – MBP

    … a woman with camera and binoculars, anything interesting?, she’s been trying to get a picture of a Marsh Wren all summer she tells me, i wish her success, we all have passion projects…

    07:43 AM – Madame Brett Park

    … back rest stop, depressing speculation about electoral disaster on FB, people are scared, i am scared, this all sucks so badly…

    06:54 AM – walking, Long Dock Park

    … T walks up with the boys… the song Southern Man playing in my head, except i want to replace Southern with Western, Southern man being a special case of Western Man… sounds of T jumping rope, a truck throttling down makes the bridge seem only feet away, the boys chortling, T picks up the pace, staying in shape… i am tired today…

    04:09 AM – dining room

    … to bed early, up early, i always wish the healthy, wealthy and wise bit was true, though i am healthy, some might think me wise, but certainly not wealthy unless we assess wealth differently than normally assessed in this society… an article on Thucydides and the Peloponnesian War, predictive of our current state of affairs?… yesterday, 45 threatened to postpone the elections, wanted to record that, fortunately, only congress can do that… a photo essay on breast feeding, i look at it because, of course, breasts, but the images don’t satisfy in that way, they point to the not very sexy nature of the dynamics of fluid exchange between mother and child… an article in Lenscratch, Aline Smithson shares a new publication from Yoffy Press, featuring three photographers, Cig Harvey, is one of them, i had a workshop with her years ago, i pay attention when i see mention of her, AS does not so much review as share in this piece, a difference between a woman and man reviewing books?, an hypothesis forms, do men need to critique while women just need to share?, to be tested… an article on Julie Blackmon in Photo-eye, more a sharing of new work, i adore Julie Blackmon… i review my week 30 post, i am satisfied with it, lots there if anyone wants to delve into it, takes a time commitment though, most people don’t have the interest… Huck Magazine, A sacred festival with India’s trans spiritual leaders, provocative title, i peak…

    Although Hindu traditional myth looks favourably upon India’s trans individuals, British colonial rule outlawed homosexuality and, by extension, criminalised transgender people.

    However, in a landmark Supreme Court ruling in 2014, India became the very first nation to recognise trans as a third gender. Yet trans people in India still face discrimination, violence and abuse as the stain of Western imperialism lingers long after the country’s independence.1

    … i am struck by the impact of Western imperialism, setting a traditional society and religion back generations on acceptance of “the other,” the trans, i am intrigued by transgender individuals, most especially the male to female mapping of gender, it is because i have a strong feminine side that i am not ashamed of… another review of the book Reveal, by Ellin Spring, it presents and describes, compares and contrasts, it’s a bit more like what i am familiar with in the mostly male author reviews of books, would be interesting to see this book reviewed by a male author… review of 4 photobooks out of Japanreview of Miss Cox, photobook, wow!, wish list… i have this pervasive feeling that i need to get H out for walks, with, without dogs, i am frustrated with her in this regard, she won’t do it herself, without me, it makes me feel responsible in a way that it doesn’t feel one person should put on another…

    July 30, 2020

    227.2 lbs

    11:03 AM – dining room

    … the bell tolls for John Lewis…

    10:46 AM – dining room

    … news that Herman Cain has died from COVID19…

    07:48 AM – walking, Fishkill Creek

    … research into means to present video in gallery setting… a cheap tablet seems feasible…

    04:51 AM – dining room

    … cat trilling at the window, wondering if the black cat is out there, i check, no… not happy about my weight, trying a new calorie count/lifestyle app, we’ll see… want to get back down to where i was before pandemic started… didn’t sleep that well, woke up in middle of night, worried i forgot my bp meds, came down and checked, no, i did not, trouble getting back to sleep, up earlier than some days… question to SxSE shop re still-life call for entries, wondering if my video stills would be accepted… a mix of articles on Feedly, none pulls my full attention…

    July 29, 2020

    226.2 lbs

    12:18 PM – dining room

    … editing photographs, they have turned black and white, it is a mystery to me why i suddenly switch from color to b&w or vice-versa, no clear motivating factor except mood?, i am in better mood these days, so why b&w, don’t need the color anymore?…

    07:49 AM – Madame Brett Trail

    … joggers, walkers, birds twittering, late July summer stillness pervades the air, a woman walks by, eyes straight ahead, for some reason she seems Austrian, almost Nazi to me, her expression is stern and does not change, man with dog, man without dog, but with camera, long lens, wildlife photographer… the sound of a freight train making its way down the other side of the river, it cries out loneliness…

    07:04 AM – walking, 9D/Fishkill Creek

    … as i contemplate critique of the system and its effectiveness, i think about the Unabomber, his critique of society coming from a cabin deep in the woods, the fringes, it’s ability to gain attention even at the justifiable expense of its author, a manifesto that gets quoted and preserved, but has there been change as a result?, i don’t know, but i don’t think so…

    05:43 AM – dining room

    … an hour editing week 30, will be a very long post that few, if any, read to the end, but so what?, it’s what i am compelled to do… an article in Arc Digital, Don’t Become the Thing You Hate, i think, yup… dogs released, H up, my quietude coming to an end… an article on Zanele Muholi’s very political art, in British Journal of Photography… i consider it in light of what i read and thought about art critiquing social structure last week, my question this morning is, are there times when social critique art gets absorbed into the system is a good thing?…

    “I consider myself a visual activist first and foremost because my work has a political agenda,” writes Muholi, the Black, Queer, non- binary visual activist, who takes the pronouns they, them and their. “What is important to me is how my work challenges and contributes to society and the place of Black LGBTQIA+ people within it,” they continue, responding over email in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic.2

    … i am left to consider the idea that when the need is for recognition and acceptance by the system, being invited into it’s mainstream normalization process is progress for marginalized populations…

    July 28, 2020

    226.4 lbs

    07:36 AM – walking, Dennings Point

    … i decide to go to tip of point, the old factory building is fenced off, all brush has been cleared, is renovation beginning?, are they tearing it down?, a siren goes off in the distance, what for?, it ends quickly, it’s quiet, a few birds twittering…

    06:46 AM – walking, Long Dock Park

    … T and the boys, we greet, chat a little, the boy’s birthday next weekend, going to be two, uh-oh, the terrible twos… earlier on Main Street, R stops to share a photo he made on the bridge… a man in wheelchair rolls by, mother and child walk by to my right… air still, humid… a woman with two little dogs, i say good morning, she returns the greeting, wishes for the promised rain, as we part she tells me to be well and be blessed, i wish her the same…

    05:29 AM – dining room

    … i let the dogs out of the bedroom, i can hear they are awake and most likely bothering H sooner than she wants… i stumble across a book review from PhotoEye, Mayflies, Blake Andrews the reviewer, is he this years judge of Photography Now at CPW?, the cover photo is a photo i have made, not the exact same photo, but the same insight, a vaginal wound in a tree, made to look vaginal, emerging from the dark, is it better than mine?, hand rendered apparently, more complex?, more clear?, i don’t know… Photography Now juror is Andy Adams… i have been waiting for the outcome of that submission, soon?…

    03:55 AM – dining room

    … up early, not sure why, sleep just stopped… H awake too, not sure why, will she get up and come down?… dogs woke me up at 1:30 AM, needed to go out, need to figure out how that does not happen… an article by Jorg Colberg, about the relationship between photographer and human subject, it’s not ok to make pictures without consent, it’s not ok to make pictures without some attempt to understand how a person might want to be portrayed… the article leads with Dorothea Lange’s famous photograph of Florence Owens Thompson and her children, with consent, which Ms. Thompson came to regret later, being the poster child for poverty… a long article on the provenance of the picture, it is very interesting, laying bare the myths photographers tell themselves and others about their own work… as i read the article there is a copy of Migrant Mother, Migrant Gender, by Sally Stein, sitting to my left, part of a backlog of books, recent acquisitions, women writing on photography…

    July 27, 2020

    227.0 lbs

    08:29 AM – walking, Fishkill Creek

    … chubby white man walks by, no mask, no effort to distance himself, that’s just rude… english dude with children and friend on bicycles, passed dude and friend yesterday too, i knew his name but can’t recall… lots of activity in normally quite places, lawns being mowed, utility poles being loaded/unloaded, burly, he-man work…

    07:16 AM – walking, 9D near Fishkill Creek Bridge

    … sultry Monday, i pass B tending her yard, her kid watering… i am glad for Monday, quietude in Beacon, no tourists… young woman running by, turns around and heads back… only H commenting on my posts, it’s early still…

    04:09 AM – dining room

    … early to bed, early to rise, dogs got me up near midnight to go out… an article about a genetic study on the slave trade, 12 million people trafficked, 2 million of whom died in transit… an article on The Polaroid Book, my father had several, he liked cameras, a fonder memory… the smell of skunk wafting through the room… in Eye of Photography, Lara Gasparato, her work catches my eye, something moody and poetic about it… presented in the style of memories, faded, stained photographs of contemporary people… an article about the illiberal climate in liberalisim, the Harpers Letter, which has stayed at the surface of my news feed… all sides are hardening into ideological puritanism, you are with us or against us, and if you are with us, you can’t critique in a balanced way, i have experienced this several times in the past months, a friend suggesting i shouldn’t spread an article with valid critiques of Democrats, another friend suggesting i am part of the liberal circular firing squad, and there was another i forget, my liberal ideological purity is that i am open to information and arguments from all sides of the question and i make up my own god damn mind… this in The Retoric of Treason in Politics:

    Soon after Trump became president Horowitz published Big Agenda: President Trump’s Plan to Save America which offers the following advice: “Conservatives must begin every confrontation by punching progressives in the mouth”; “Republicans must adhere to a strategy that begins with a punch in the mouth”; “the strategy is to go for the jugular”; “it’s time to take the gloves off; “take no prisoners; stay on the attack.”3

    … i find this offensive and a sign of how desperate the white patriarchy is, conservatism is, and how destructive they are prepared to be to hold onto power… an article in Politico about the violence over the weekend, i share with this comment:

    This litany of violence over the weekend is distressing. The descent is continuing… category five Chaos is at the bottom. The violence has been emphasized and in the case of Portland, provoked, by the administration of 45. It’s not good when a neutral news outlet puts out an article like this. Liberals loose on the moral high ground when there is lots of violence to report. Severe storm warnings for the next 100 days.

    July 26, 2020

    226.8 lbs

    04:40 PM – living room, watching the news

    … i want to write down that my sister said there are federal troops in Seattle… a piece on US/China relations…

    08:17 AM – walking, Fishkill Creek

    … it’s July, but it seems so August, cicada chorus in full swing, the air, hot, dry, languid… i look up languid to confirm its appropriateness, seems to be, briefly, i imagine myself a poet for the ages, a slight adrenaline rush, then i suppress the thought, who am i to imagine great things?…

    07:31 AM – walking, Sargent Downing School

    … sitting on a bench, par of an outdoor learning environment project built and donated by Aidan Lutley, an Eagle Scout merit badge project, the Boy Scouts of America, did i hear the national body went bankrupt recently?… yes, i did… i remember being a Boy Scout, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent… and, be prepared… i remember these things…

    05:34 AM – dining room

    an article on drone and social media surveillance of protest marches speaks to the surveillance state… we live in weird, frightening times… an article on a planned Philip Guston Virtual Show, opening July 30, 2020… On Jane Austen’s Politics of Walking, Literary Hub, i read it because of walking, something i do a lot of, something i am interested in… an article in the Paris Review catches my eye because of the title, Staff Picks: Sex Work, Cigarettes and Systemic Change, it is, of course, the Sex Work part of the title that first catches my attention and then Cigarettes, a commodity that has been coupled with sex, both historically and in my own life… i am further drawn to read it because the Sex Work part of the title is about a Japanese film available for streaming from the Japan Society and i have already seen and not really read a review on another outlet… i read the PR article in full, run across a link to AOC’s rebuke of House Member Yoho and the white patriarchy in general, now the review of a Jazz album on the tender spot of calloused moments… i am still looking for the cigarettes part… it comes at the end, a reference to a poem by Ya Shi, from Floral Mutter, i contemplate ordering the book, don’t, but i may still…

    1. Miss Rosen, A sacred festival with India’s trans spiritual leaders, Huck Magazine, July 30, 2020
    2. Hannah Abel-Hirsch, Zanele Muholi: Art and Activism, British Journal of Photography, July 28, 2020
    3. Thomas J. Main, The Rhetoric of Treason in Political Discourse, Arc Digital Media, July 26, 2020
  • Week 30

    This week I turned a corner. I have come to think of my Daybook as a catalog of my attentions. Somehow, this has given me the desire to continue.

    July 25, 2020

    228.2 lbs

    02:45 PM – dining room

    … just now, the question, why do i do this?, put so much time into the photographs, the writing, the posting, the thought that my whole working life i put as much, even more time, into work i didn’t fully love, believe in, whereas now it is all love all believe in… a quote of Walter Benjamin gets at a point that was making itself in my mind this week very accurately:

    We are faced with the fact… that the bourgeois apparatus of production and publication can assimilate astonishing quantities of revolutionary themes, indeed, can propagate them without calling its own existence, and the existence of the class that owns it, seriously into question.1

    Moreover, if Benjamin was struck by the apparently boundless capacity of the bourgeois apparatus of production to assimilate and even propagate revolutionary themes, this capacity for cultural absorption and neutralization is even more pronounced today.2

    … what is the solution to this problem?, is it self-publishing?, creating work that is resistant to commodification?, without access to distribution channels the content is effectively choked off…

    … a discussion of the work of Connie Hatch, Solomon-Godeau discusses the advantage of “occupying the cracks” as she puts it, the advantage of creating art work that is not salable, resistant to commodification, which is what allows the critique of the system to be absorbed by the critiqued system, makes it dependent on it… my sense that, if a society truly wants to support a valid critique from the edges, it must blindly distribute a basic income that can free up time for production, no strings attached…

    To refuse to supply the apparatus, as Benjamin and Brecht enjoined, may in fact be possible only by affirming one’s place in the peripheral spaces outside the emporium of high culture.3

    … describing an early project of Connie Hatch, Form Follows Finance, Solomon-Godaeu relates how its initial presentation in a gallery space compromised it:

    The inescapable conclusion to be drawn from the exhibition of Form Follows Finance is that even the most explicitly conceived political cultural practices are liable to neutralization by the greater institutional weight of a space consecrated to art, even, in this case, an “alternative” one.4

    07:38 AM – walking, Fishkill Creek

    … feeling a little slow, alcohol, a little too much, slept in a bit, lethargic, not even sure why i am writing at this moment… i am seeing Lidie all over my feeds, nudity sells… what is there to be grateful for today, life, the sun shining, birds singing, 45’s steady decline in the polls, fingers and toes crossed that it continues, H the dogs, the cat…

    05:13 AM – dining room

    … ugh, weight really up, gotta be careful… Jonathan Blaustein with a long post about violence, fighting, etc… about a spat in the photography world which, as far as i can see, is misplaced rage… salient moments in the post about how we have been divided one against the other, and his own personal struggle with his wife… in reviewing my feed, there are several posts, (articles), that are conversations, interviews, i try to read one, but don’t make it through, i am not sure why, but i don’t really like the conversation format, the interview as it were, they meander, ramble, don’t get to the point, i’d rather someone do an interview then summarize it, provide a few notable quotes, seems more efficient… a post in Eye of Photography Magazine, Lydie Jean-Dit-Pannel, a woman photographing herself naked in various settings, it seems somehow unnecessary, i don’t particularly enjoy it… i google her, find her instagram feed, decide to follow it… i discover she is not as young as i thought… i find her blogspot blog site, it’s in French and for some reason the auto translator does not come up… ok, she had me at naked, which she seems to do in front of industrial sites, like Three Mile Island, posed as if she were dead… in Heavy Collective i find the work of Keko Jackson, conceptual, thinking hard, not sure if it is too hard, interesting… an article on 45’s interview with Dave Portnoy which i share to FB and write this:

    A president who doesn’t get it even when a notorious racist/sexist does… but what really jumped out at me is 45’s bragging about putting an obscure law into action to prevent federal statue toppling. The law imposes a ten year sentence for such vandalism. Ten years! That’s more than any of his cronies are getting for far more significant crimes, even prior to commutation, justice department sentence reduction and presidential pardon. Law and order indeed. Law and order for the weak, not the powerful. A glaring illustration of power-privilege.

    July 24, 2020

    07:34 AM – walking, Newburgh side of Hamilton Fish Bridge

    … what i notice in particular is the myriad spiders that have set up shop high above the river in the interstices of the railing along the pedestrian walk, it seems a good living because there are hundreds, 1,2 even three per railing bay and nearly every one is occupied… what drives insects to these dizzy heights, predator and prey?… H likes both articles i shared this AM, re-shared one of them… it was an easy walk across the bridge, no back fatigue…

    04:25 AM – dining room

    … i post an article on Portland through the eyes of someone who lives there, the posting is aimed at family members who still believe in 45, whether it does any good is questionable, but the information is out there if they are interested, i figure if i can turn just one of them, i will have made my contribution… another article on what Conservatism has to offer black Americans, i share it, a good read, but as explained in my post, it leaves me feeling uneasy, at a time when Black Lives are having increasing entrepreneurial success accumulating wealth and power, the system itself needs intense scrutiny and change, Capitalism is destroying the planet and it needs to change, will the rug be pulled out yet again?… in another surprising art world article in The Nation, I discover that Bernadette Mayer had a sister, Rosemary, that she too was an artist and that she kept a journal… i order a copy of the book… Should Bill Barr be Disbarred?, asks the article, yes say most of the people i know, but he won’t be, admits the article… this is kind of bizarre, a few weeks back i came to the conclusion that all the reviews i was reading of, mostly photography books, are written by men and whether there were any women beyond Susan Sontag writing intelligently about photography… at the time i did some quick googling and didn’t come up with much except a book entitled Illuminations: Women Writing on Photography from the 1850s to the Present, the present being 1996, when the book was published… at the time, i had owned a copy of Photography at the Dock, by Abigail Solomon-Godeau for some time and had been gradually making my way through it… this morning there is an article in Aperture about Janet Malcolm’s Diana & Nikon, i learn about Ms. Malcolm but also discover another (male) writer on photography, Vilem Flusser, i order the kindle version of Towards a Philosophy of Photography, Diana & Nikon is out of print at present, expensive, on my wish list…

    July 23, 2020

    03:54 PM – dining room

    … reading about Connie Hatch in Photography at the Dock…

    12:45 PM – dining room

    … bp 116/74

    07:24 AM – walking down by the river

    … my daybook is solidifying in my mind as a catalog of attention…

    05:58 AM – dining room

    … garbage and recycling to the curb, an article on Stephen Shore, Transparencies, Brad Feuerhelm, in which i learn about another woman, curator, influential in the world of photographer, Britt Salvensen… i finish the article which has stalled my going out for a walk, on with the walk prep…

    04:57 AM – dining room

    … Feedly down, toying with the idea of a Pocket premium subscription, may do it if Feedly does not come back around soon, more money down the drain, little drips, even so, an interesting article on Intuitionist Mathematics and its possible application to understanding time and bringing the quantum and relativity worlds together, right up my alley, love that sort of thing… then, an article on Patsy Cline in which i learn that Roosevelt’s New Deal brought massive investment to the south and lifted it out of poverty, which is interesting because conservatives in the south are anything but supportive of Roosevelt era social safety nets and investment programs, or at least that is my perception… a posting by Art Blart on a photography exhibit at the Met, not currently accessible, photographs from the mid 1800’s…

    July 22, 2020

    No weigh in

    03:08 PM – dining room

    … a call from the vet, Rubie seems to have done well, we can get him at 4 PM…

    02:10 PM – dining room

    … reading Photography at the Dock i come across the term trumpery:

    1. Showy but worthless finery; bric-a-brac
    2. Nonsense; rubbish.
    3. Deception; trickery; fraud.

    01:14 PM – dining room

    … earlier an article on Yurie Nagashima, Japanese, woman, catches my eye, a book of critical writing about Japanese Photography is of interest, but it is not available in English, so i will have to wait, hopefully it will become available in English at some point… i recall an article earlier in the year on Ms. Nagashima, Jorg Colberg, i saved it to Evernote… as i work my way through the Feedly feed, i find an article on Bernadette Mayer in the Nation… it’s a review of the new release of Memory, a book sitting on the table to my right this moment… i have had it for longer than a month, have only made my way through the first few pages, it is a book that takes patience, time, fortitude… i am wondering, should i pick it up and make another attempt to travel it’s pages?, no, it’s afternoon, this is not the best time for my ability to concentrate, and there are distractions, H with TV, the need to cook eventually, no, i have to save it… i purchased the book because of this blog i am writing, my project seemed very similar, though spanning a longer time, structured differently, into moments of attention…

    07:53 – waiting outside vet

    … Rubie scheduled for oral surgery today, waiting for vet to open… discussing what we need for groceries, will do an instant order for tomorrow…

    06:43 Am – walking, Spring Valley & Churchill

    … back release break… quiet, hot, the occasional car or pedestrian… the sound of a truck gearing down in the distance, birds twittering, water in Fishkill Creek… loquacious… more of a steady hiss really… or gray noise… like a needle on a worn lp… an air conditioner…

    06:00 AM – walking, Main Street

    … nature duking it out with Capitalism… a jogger passes by… resident homeless woman walking her bike along the railroad tracks, glad to see she has avoided the virus, i think she lives in abandoned land by the tracks… black life, female, rollerblader passing by…

    05:09 AM – dining room

    … the dogs are awake… heading out earlier than usual because Rubie has to go to the vet this AM for oral surgery, remove a decayed tooth?, hopefully not more than that…

    04:46 AM – dining room

    … moving on through my news feed, an article in about the “troops” 45 is deploying in Portland and threatening to deploy in cities across the country with liberal Democratic leaders who are allowing their cities to burn, to paraphrase 45… i share it to FB because it is from the conservative perspective and maybe it will reach some 45 loving relatives, though i don’t hold my breath on that score, they seem to prefer the slide to fascism over the alternative, a multicultural and liberal democracy… another article in The Bulwark about conservative mishandling of the pandemic and police brutality crises about which i write in my posting to FB:

    An opinion from the right on the failings of the conservative response to the pandemic and issues of police brutality. It celebrates conservative principles but finds current application inflexible and out of touch with the reality of people’s lives.

    04:34 AM – dining room

    … it all seems to be about sex and the patriarchy this morning, an article in Mother Jones, covering 45’s COVID19 press briefing yesterday, the return of a frankenmonster after many months of dormancy, pointing out his wishing Ghislaine Maxwell well…

    03:59 AM – dining room

    … reading an article in Aperture, In Pop Culture and Propaganda, an Alternate History of the Cold War, it’s about a new photo book by Aikaterini Gegisian, the work is billed as subversive, of suggesting that the pleasures of the body are somehow an antidote to patriarchy and capitalism… i like the work, i find it compelling, but it does not connect, for me, to the artist’s statements about it, and, in fact, in being written up in Aperture and Another Magazine, there is a kind of hypocrisy going on, the media outlets managed by capitalism and the patriarchy are used to get the subversive message out?, really does not work for me… as i consider this work, there is Photography at the Dock, below, which reputedly has an important essay on the nude in photography, i haven’t gotten to it yet, but need to… this, so called subversive art seems anything but, as it seems geared to presentation in the art world gallery system, itself dominated by the capitalist patriarchy, which is the power of capitalism, every subversive voice is courted into the make-money-from-it jaws of capitalism… truly subversive voices don’t speak this way…

    July 21, 2020

    225.6 lb

    01:22 PM – dining room

    … reading Photography at the Dock, Abigail Solomon-Godeau… in the essay entitled “A Photographer in Jerusalem, 1855,” a discussion of the work of Auguste Salzmann, ASG points to the dilemma of the art photograph, particularly when a photograph, or body of work of photographs, is lifted from the past and re-interpreted in terms of modern aesthetics and intentions… this necessarily divorces the work from it’s historical context, including the intent with which the photography was undertaken… instead, the assessment is of the choices made by the photographer that make it a more interesting art photograph, not necessarily a more interesting documentary photograph, which is the intent Salzmann was hired to pursue… but then the question, perhaps Salzmann failed the strict terms of his assignment precisely because he was more interested in making a picture of the mood of the scene, not the facts of the scene…

    12:16 PM – living room

    … an idea coalesced for the direction of my Daybook, it is simply about what commands my attention, what i read, what i think, what i see, as such, it does not tell a linear story though stories evolve…

    07:04 AM – walking, pocket road trail

    … heading up the mountain…

    06:17 AM – walking, Dewindt St.

    … disturbed a hawk in a bush, two small birds too?, hawk hunting small birds?, looked like he captured one…

    the idea of a good picture is predicated on usefulness in the art world… my idea of good being the picture that compels one to linger, even if only for a few extra seconds… this idea leads me to confront the idea of sensational vs. compelling, is sensational, as a special case of compelling, a legitimate outcome of this definition of a good photograph, or do we need to begin to limit the concept of compelling?…

    05:34 AM – dining room

    … this from an article in Literary Hub:

    Yes, she told me, he is corrupt—but so, she believed, were all of the presidents who went before him. “We just didn’t know about it before.” That idea gave her—an upstanding citizen, a law-abiding patriot—the license to support a corrupt president. If everybody is corrupt and always has been, then whatever it takes to win is okay.5

    … and this:

    To destroy a society,” she wrote, “it is first necessary to delegitimize its basic institutions.” If you believe that American institutions are no different from their opposite, then there is no reason to defend them. The same is true of transatlantic institutions. To destroy the Atlantic alliance, the community of democracies, she wrote, “it is only necessary to deprive the citizens of democratic societies of a sense of shared moral purpose which underlies common identifications and common efforts.6

    05:05 AM – dining room

    … i am remembering an article by Jorg Colberg read yesterday, in which he talks about the concept of patina, which seems to translate into the character of the scene to be photographed, within the essay he talked about the “good photograph” being hard to make, requiring effort by the photographer to go beyond the easy picture, the first picture that comes to the mind’s eye… the good picture is hard to make and as hard, or harder, to define in a way that we might understand what a good picture is without having one before us… the definition of a good picture to me is one that compels attention, for whatever reason… i am not convinced that a good picture is as hard to make as JC claims…

    04:50 AM – dining room

    … dogs up, H up, quietude interrupted, i long for a private studio i can go to and not be interrupted in the AM, i get up early to try to get that, the rest of the creatures in the house have progressively decided to join me… the next item up in my readings this morning, Khadija Saye, a young African American artist who perished in the horrific Grenfell Tower fire in 2017… this quote on the Grenfell Tower stands out to me:

    Cult writer Naomi Klein has been debunking neoliberalism’s gilded promise since the 1990s. Grenfell Tower, she says, is yet another tragic reminder that beyond the golden surface lies a rotten core.7

    03:50 AM – dining room

    … no alcohol at night apparently translates into earlier to rise, not that i mind… first item to catch my attention this morning is an article in Feature Shoot on an exhibition at the Bronx Documentary Center entitled: Trump Revolution: Climate Crisis, as if we need any more evidence of the disaster 45 has been, continues to be… i think about 45’s claims of having created the best economy in the history of the United States, even if true, at what cost?, the exhibition shows the costs of the administrations moves to undue decades of environmental progress, economic gain is at the expense of the future and the future is getting very close, this is why unfettered capitalism, and probably capitalism of any kind is such a catastrophe, it knows no other way to organize than to amp up greed and defile the planet… this is what i post to FB:

    This online exhibition courtesy of the Bronx Documentary Center is worth visiting. Climate change is a thing. We are condemning generations of people, and let’s face it, it will be mostly the people without resources, to a brutal future. 45 has been, is, a huge setback. His claims of having engineered the best economy in the history of the United States, even if true, must be assessed relative to the costs, near and far term. The problem is bigger than 45 though, the problem is capitalism, a system essentially built on rape on just about any actual and metaphorical level you want to look at.

    July 20, 2020

    225.2 lbs

    06:58 PM – living room

    … dinner finished, dishes done, coffee setup done, Ari Melber on MSNBC… Briana Taylor, no charges against officers… Joy Reid’s new prime time show… Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, 45 a joke, a miserable failure, yada, yada, yada…

    07:53 AM – walking, 9D Bridge

    … more thinking about H and protesting, decided that asking her not to take the kind of risks she did yesterday is least confrontational way, asking her to promise not to…

    06:44 AM – walking, 52, near Memorial Park

    … as i walk my thoughts turn increasingly to H and her attendance of the protest and that she does not seem to have kept herself socially distanced, confessing that she hugged A, i realize i am angry about this and that i need to tell her, get it off my chest…

    05:49 AM – dining room

    … the last article i will view this morning, Sophie Calle, Because, a good review, and interesting artist, she works in projects and they are projects that are part fiction, part reality, words and images, meant to explore the tears in societal fabric… the more i write in Ulysses, the more i like it…

    05:34 AM – dining room

    … i take one last spin through Week 29 of my Daybook, then decide to notify the world that it exists, i had been hesitant to do that, perhaps because there were a few minor edits that needed to be made to avoid making anyone who might recognize themselves angry or upset, not the point of the project to reveal uncomfortable things about other people… i realize, that apart from the time commitment anyone would have to make to take it in, it is pretty good, pretty much on target with what i want it to be, a collection of impressions, visual, mental, about my week… now the idea of doing a series of booklets?…

    04:28 AM – dining room

    … looking through photographs by known photographers, i have the impression, in comparison, i am a better photographer than i give myself credit for… an article on Joel Jimenez catches my eye, the photographs are evocative, the project conceptual, a notorious prison turned into a children’s museum, cultural history overwriting, why not a museum to notorious prisons?, perhaps the public would not bite, or maybe they would but the power structure does not want to be honest… i have discovered an art trail dedicated to the Hudson River School artists, visits to sites where famous paintings were made, or at least have in view the subject of famous paintings, the one in Beacon that revealed the existence of the trail to me, for example… i resolve for H and i to follow the trail, i also wonder about it as a photography project, visit the sites, get my own landscape photographs, maybe… a book comes to my attention that seems interesting, it is conceptual, i favor conceptual work over more straight forward work, though my work tends to be more straight forward, most of the time… the work is in the form of a book, Cristiano Volk: Mélaina Cholé (Yoffy Press, 2020)… it is hot and close in the house, even this early, AC on in bedroom only… several more days of hot weather, hunker down, do your best to get through it like everything else these days… the dogs are up and outside, released them so they wouldn’t wake H… another book catching my attention, Jordanna Kalman, Little Romances, a book on the female body, mostly nudes, but overlaid with mythical elements…

    July 19, 2020

    224.6 lbs

    06:51 AM – walking, Long Dock Park

    … what if i have the wrong expectations from my daily photography walks?, i feel there is value in doing them, but i struggle to extract meaning from them, expecting some kind of coherence, some kind of sum greater than the parts epiphany, what if it is only a string of disconnected moments representing moments of concentrated conscious attention?, what am i seeing?…

    05:31 AM – dining room

    … just finished a long article on Claudia Andujar, photographer, activist, the story of her involvement with the Yanomami people brought tears to my eyes, mostly because of the tragedy that it is and continues to be, similar to the treatment of Native Americans in US from colonial times down to the present, indigenous peoples in conflict with and being overrun by the steamroller forces of market capitalism… time and time again, a traditional society which has many advantages of connection to planet is overrun by capitalist society which views the planet solely as resource to be plundered and indigenous peoples as an inconvenience to be shoved out of the way… there is a tendency to romanticize the “primitive ways” of indigenous peoples, imagine it as something vastly preferential to modern society, which is as un-constructive to the situation as the plague of rapacious greed that threatens extermination of a way of life, a wisdom, a right to be… Andujar’s life has meant something… i cry for the Yanomami, i cry for myself, wondering what has my life meant?… and with that, i continue to fall into the western capitalist trap of achievement, understood as utility, being the prerequisite for meaning, one needs to be useful, this attitude on steroids in United States of America… if a tree grows, lives, falls, dies in the forest, and nobody witnesses it, has it ever existed?, has it been useful?… in our society, no, in the society of the Yanomami, perhaps, “primitive” peoples tend to have a view of interconnection, themselves, the planet, one another, the spirit world, an animating connectedness that western civilization has pulled to pieces to rationalize its progress… i don’t know what to do with this knowledge, this sense of how things are, this despair that there is a different way of looking at things but it is overrun by the steamroll of extraction for growth, wealth, progress… this is what i posted in FB about it:

    This is a heart felt tribute to a photographer who made it her mission to help the Yanomami people of Brazil save themselves. Sadly, under Bolsonaro, and with the arrival of COVID19, they are more threatened than ever. Their elders are, as in the western world, most afflicted, are dying in the greatest numbers. This quote in the article stood out to me: “For the indigenous, it is said, “losing an elder is like burning a library.” I recall idiot conservative politicians proclaiming the death of their elders to be a worthwhile sacrifice to the preservation of economic activity. People don’t really matter to our economic system, our way of organizing civilization. They are only canon fodder. I have no idea how it changes. I only know that it is bad and will ultimately be fatal for everyone if it doesn’t.

    1. Walter Benjamin, The Author as Producer
    2. Abigale Solomon-Godeau, Photography at the Dock, Reconstructing Documentary
    3. Abigail Solomon-Godeau, Photography at the Dock, Reconstructing Documentary
    4. Abigail Solomon-Godeau, Photography at the Dock, Reconstructing Documentary
    5. Anne Applebaum, Why Did Republicans Abandon American Idealism?, Literary Hub, July 21, 2020
    6. Anne Applebaum, Why Did Republicans Abandon American Idealism?, Literary Hub, July 21, 2020
    7. Andrea Kurland, Naomi Klein says Grenfell Toower is “lovelessness in public”, Huck Magazine, July 6, 2017
  • Week 28

    July 11, 2020

    04:37 PM – living room, watching MSNBC

    … talking about 45’s push to open the schools… complaining bitterly… Roger Stone pardon up next… experimented with camera zoom on iPhone today, like the possibilities…

    06:34 AM – walking, Beacon Falls

    … a new day, not humid, cooler, H disappointed there was not more rain, at the dam i can see there wasn’t so much, not the 1.5-2 inches forecast… Brad Feuerhelm on Waffenrhue, the place of the text, a book that channels the undertow of the times… wonkiness with pictures on my website, wondering if because page created out of Ulysses… technology hurdles today, H’s iPhone setup, Sonos Alexa, Echo Dot… saw R from a distance, Mr. and Mrs. Clause on their morning constitutional… was thinking this AM about how morally, intellectually and politically bankrupt Republicans under 45 are… bankruptcy of traditional white, male, dominated culture, some hope that this may be the nadir…

    July 10, 2020

    05:34 PM – living room

    … new wifi mesh system installed, is this what heaven is like?…

    01:05 PM – living room

    … 45 doing/saying more awful things… every day i wish he would dry up and go away…

    05:43 AM – my studio

    … dogs released, let out, called back in, because Chas was barking at an animal, squirrel most likely, H taking a shower, i review a BA post, a visit to the autonomous zone in Seattle before it was cleared out, a story that i don’t fully read, pictures that seem unremarkable, are they any better than mine?, well, there are people in them, not close up, from a distance, i could do that, i think to myself, but they are not very interesting pictures i also think to myself… i suppose the significance is that BA bore witness, great, good photographs were not the point, bearing witness was… i have started to try to make my way through Bernadette Mayer’s Memory again, the idea of pictures as data, not summations of the ineffable, individual pieces of sublimity, just “snapshots” of the elusive all and everywhere… a photo essay on Burn, produced from the tragedy of drug gang culture in Mexico, the effect on families…

    05:24 AM – my studio

    … just as I open this to write, Chas starts whining at the bedroom door, fuck you i say… in my mind, i am trying to make my picture production out to be something exceptional, the ever persistent “i am i said,” that floats through my entire history, anyone’s history?… if i could let go of this “i am i said,” would my production be any better or would it just be?, is that the point?…

    July 09, 2020

    02:37 PM – living room

    … posting of photos to social media complete, thinking more about the meaning of what i am doing relative to Bernadette Mayer

    07:16 AM – walking

    … i pass three black lives, outside their building, sharing a joint, i say good morning, one says good morning back, another passes the joint to the third…

    7:02 AM – walking, near Fishkill Creek

    … humid, cloudy, foggy… the dog i passed on the bridge the other day just passed me by, he seems to have rounds that he makes, he has tags, the other day i thought he was a she, today it was clear that he was a he and intact, he cantered by, proper social distancing, i wonder if we encounter each other enough will a relationship of some kind develop?, i recognize him, will he recognize me?…

    5:12 AM – my studio

    … i woke up this morning to an email from our accountant that clarified to a much more favorable place what our tax debt was, better than the disaster i was afraid it was from her first email and better even than what i had anticipated, we have the money to pay it, relief…

    July 08, 2020

    224.8 lbs

    07:07 AM – walking, memorial park

    … research into our wireless problems reveals Apple hasn’t updated their router equipment technology since 2013 and has stopped making routers as of 2018, it seems we will be getting a new router setup and further funding the economy…

    05:31 AM – my studio

    … running a speed test on my computer i discover we are operating at 1/10 the minimum recommended speed for an internet connection, this determines what my day will be about…

    05:09 AM – living room

    … dogs wake up, intense frustration with internet connection, so f’ing slow…

    July 07, 2020

    224.8 lbs

    5:22 PM – picking up dinner

    … bringing dinner to a family in need, some for us too…

    4:13 PM – living room

    … how many times, how many ways can you say that the 45 is an idiot, day after day after day, he’s an idiot, he’s an idiot, he’s an idiot…

    3:44 PM – living room

    … frustrated with flow of days… the day not the best for getting things done… i am tired of what my life is right now, no forward progress…

    12:28 PM – my studio

    … testing typewriter mode in Ulysses

    7:59 AM – walking, Pocket Rd trail

    … wanted to remember E had the virus and really struggled with it, young, healthy, been dealing with it for months she says…

    7:29 AM – walking, Pocket Road trail

    … where the trail crosses the stream, my favorite place to stop, rest, turn and go back, if there isn’t time or inclination to continue to top… two women with dogs pass, one masks up, the other does not… thinking i would like to plan a trip to Innisfree, tomorrow?… no dogs though… the loquacious stream, the occasional jet thundering overhead… contemplating a road trip to Rochester, wondering if there is a good camp site, visit the grave of Frederick Douglas…

    6:14 AM – walking

    … thinking about, wondering about, women who write about photography, currently it seems to be all men… Frederick Douglass statue toppled, 45 blames leftist anarchists, not likely…

    5:19 AM – my studio

    … going through my Feedly feed, Jonathan Blaustein, on an article about an Avedon show… feel like i am barely treading water, standing still, i need to make some progress on my work, on some more substantial production, a book?, the daybook?, i don’t know, what is any of it for?, is that despair?… i wonder about moving my computer downstairs, which divorces it from my printer which i need to get going again… i have been reading a variety of photographic commentators letters and blogs, trying to see if there are some lessons i can take about how to write something like this so that it is engaging… it seems it can be done, even turned into a weekly newsletter, but one needs a following, maybe i should start with a monthly?… this is too long, drawn out and meandering and self involved?… people don’t have patience for that, what do they have patience for?, i don’t know, but i am irrelevant to them, i don’t have a following, why do i care if i do?, i have been caring for at least a decade, perhaps a little longer, since i first got on to instagram, looking for a strategy that will get me more likes, i suspect that part of my problem is that i just post, i don’t engage much, i don’t feel like i have time to engage… as i write all this, i think, i have been thinking, that i need to use these journal pages to write a summary, a kind of news letter, that is easier to get through, go to the foundational material if you want, but here it is in brief, more palatable form…

    4:22 AM – my studio

    … i research Real Country HV, not the hotbed of white supremacy i imagined it could be… an article in The Economist indicating the stimulus has helped the poor… another talking about progressive victories in Democratic primaries, Millennials, it claims, are more liberal than their predecessors, change is coming… an article on Peter Hujar, wherein i realize i am more interested in Trans culture…

    July 06, 2020

    226.8 lbs

    6:02 PM – watching MTP Daily

    … a nurse talking about the stress she is experiencing, the exhaustion, the pain, the sorrow, i realize i am barely talking straight from my heart here, barely touching my feelings, i resolve to do more of that…

    5:12 AM – watching MTP Daily

    … been learning Ulysses, successfully hooked WP up to it and posted to my blog from it… worked on my photo work flow, for the first time the possibility that it will all come together and i will be capable from phone and desktop…

    7:35 AM – walking, Mt. Beacon Trail entry, 9D

    … looks like lots of hikers up the front trail, planning my own trip this week, will go the back way… thinking about the news that the virus has become more transmissible but less lethal, has mutated, wondering if that is good or bad news…

    6:46 AM – walking, 96.5 FM

    5:15 AM – my studio

    … so far, no doggie interruptous… i review my daybook from yesterday, this will be the first full week in Ulysses, experimenting, figuring how it works, the new iPhone camera, streamline my daybook production, wondering if the daybook is what i should be sinking my time into, of course, it is not just the daybook, which is the destination product, to be shared with who?, for what reason?, does any who care?, which is the circular round and round i have with myself about producing it, why do i sink so much time into making pictures, writing, sharing in the daybook?… i keep thinking, just writing it, producing it, that is the value, that it may ultimately give me a grand insight into things large and small, that the cosmos will make sense, but someone said, the cosmos is always chaos, is it?, or does it have a deeper meaning that any sentient being is tasked with figuring out, or to reference de Chardin, are we, the life on this planet, meant to discover some kind of meaning at the bottom of all this?… turtles all the way down?… frustration, my website is inaccessible to me right now, will have to sort the problem out later…

    July 05, 2020

    226.2 lbs

    7:59 AM – walking, Madam Brett trail

    … exploring, experimenting, all the things i now can do…

    7:05 AM – i run into R, we chat, i move on, what should i be doing with my photography?, what is the use of what i am doing?… i can export files from this app as HTML, would that be the way to develop a record?… A fine young woman passes by walking her dog, i think, oh to be a fine young woman walking her dog!

    6:43 AM – walking, Long Dock Park

    … in Polhill Park i photograph BLM chalk drawings… it is very quiet this AM… old man moving a stump, he and his ancient dog creeping along, enjoying the quiet morning, he has a t-shirt proclaiming “Luck Has Nothing To Do With It,” there are so many ways to take that… i wonder what Susan Sontag would have made of phone cameras, the internet, social media…

    4:50 AM – front porch

    … i am irritated, i can’t get a morning of uninterrupted reverie, reading, whatever i want to do in silence , by myself… just when i settle in, the dog starts to whine, if i don’t let him out of the bedroom he will wake H and then everyone will be up… all i want is a couple hours quiet and concentration… i continue to photograph only with the iPhone, with some good results, a clear shift in my practice… i wonder how the iPhone practice should be different, it is more immediate, more as you go, more make a picture and move on… a recipe i want to copy but which won’t load in Paprika, later when i am at the desktop…

  • DNR
    From the Chicago Tribune,
    NEA, NEH on the chopping block,
    CPB to be sold to the highest bidder,
    Public schools under assault.
    Grab them by the pussy,
    Kick them in the balls,
    Every man, woman and child for themselves,
    The American apocalypse is now!
    Enlightenment culture in cardiac arrest,
    Alt-Right party of tea with do not resuscitate orders,
    Neo middle ages arriving in jack boot fashion,
    Virtual asteroids crashing all round.
    Life as we know it going, going, gone;
    Life as we dreamed it, beyond hope and change;
    Life after death a cruel hoax;
    Don’t worry be happy an insipid sentiment.
    Molotov Trump riding in on a wrecking ball,
    The resistance marches to intercept,
    Resistance to the resistance intercepts the interceptors,
    It’s revolution, but who’s?
    React! React! Look what the faithful have wrought!
    Begetting begets begetting in diseased fashion,
    White hatred of the less than fair unleashed,
    The crusades all over again.
    Despair trumping gratitude,
    Trump trumping everything,
    Hearts at the mercy of clubs:
  • Week 29

    As I look back on the week I am wondering when this pervasive sense of gloom will end. The news that 45 has deployed the Border Patrol to Portland, that he has established a secret police force to infiltrate so called “anarchic” groups and that he is installing his cronies at the Pentagon, bypassing congress in the process, all disturbs.

    A prevalent feeling this week is that this Daybook project is pointless. It is time consuming. The daily gathering and processing of images, writing in my journal, takes from 06:00 AM to at least noon, often well into the afternoon. I will do it at least to the end of the year, so that it is a full year. I will re-evaluate then.

    One interesting bit of content that came to my attention this week was a new magazine startup, LIMBO, dedicated to the support of out-of-work photographic artists. The out of work artists who create and publish the magazine and the many artists featured in its pages share the proceeds. I ordered a copy to support, to see. It may take three months to get here but I will share it when it does.

    Another was the review of Masculinities: Liberation Through Photography, an exhibition at the Barbican in London. Photographic takes on maleness by a variety of artists, male, female, LGBTQ. It is provocative, though I am not clear how photography is a liberating force in this case. Perhaps the consideration of multiple shades of masculinity, which is what the exhibit does, will help the men who go to see it recognize the many shades of being male.

    There was also a review of Garagem Automatica in ASX by Brad Feuerhelm which included a noteworthy meditation on oil, the life and ultimate death of civilization. The book is a series of photographs taken in empty parking garages in Brasilia, Brazil that do have a sense of “after the apocalypse” to them.

    July 18, 2020

    225.0 lbs

    06:58 – walking, Roundhouse, falls

    … wish i were feeling better, feel sad, depleted, me and most of the country… very alarmed by Portland and Pentagon, very worried about November… i am expecting 45 to move on Biden at some point, Justice Department?, Ukraine?…

    06:17 – walking Main Street

    … woman pacing all over, talking loudly on her phone, saw her yesterday too… young, tall, brown skin, tank top, orange, short, short, jean shorts…

    05:52 AM – dining room

    an article on hermits in Russia in Feature Shoot…

    05:34 AM – dining room

    … going through my feeds, come across article on LIMBO, a photography magazine to support out of work artists… some pretty high profile artists featured, hard to believe they need the support, to drive the sales?… i order a copy, shipping advice on website indicates it may be as long as 12 weeks to arrive because of current pandemic conditions…

    04:51 AM – dining room

    … up early, dogs too, we all come down, dogs go out, dishes get washed, dogs come in, coffee gets made, dogs get treats, i stretch my body, another day begins… just read a Jonathan Blaustein review of a book, a privileged woman making photographs of her sons as they grow up, well, it seems to start in their early teen years, published by Steidl, hmmm… i bet the woman has some connections, at any rate, JB found the book interesting, i didn’t, really, it’s self indulgent, but then perhaps all art is self indulgent, but really, is it remarkable to take advantage of a situation you are already on the inside of?, of course it can be, Sally Mann comes to mind… H seems to be waking up, i wonder if she will come down, sounds like she will, it wasn’t the dogs this time, they are with me… i look through photos made yesterday, not a bad bunch, though lately it has all seemed a little aimless, pointless…

    July 17, 2020

    No weigh in

    07:29 AM – walking, Fishkill Creek near the falls

    … light sprinkles… K appears to have again left me out of his correspondence with H, what is that about?… a notification of lightning 30+ miles away… feeling happy today, though a little apprehensive about zoom meetings later, especially CPW meeting, not sure where things will wind up on that front, don’t have a big stake in it though…

    July 16, 2020

    226.0 lbs

    07:02 – walking, Madam Brett Park

    … sitting in the middle of Fishkill Creek, on rocks that are accessible only when water is low, lots of garbage strewn about, happens in spots visited by lots of people, feeling a bit mournful, weather is mournful, sky thick with clouds… a mama duck and her ducklings come to graze among the rocks, mama seems unconcerned about me for the most part, i am here, only moving a little… she watches me, a little more concerned than before…

    04:26 AM – dining room

    … reading an article about exhibit of photographs of “men as men,” the idea that men past and present struggle to consider themselves as gendered and the range of gendering that they might experience… Masculinities: Liberation Through Photography, the title of the exhibition… started to click past but decided to look more deeply, read, think, while doing so i made a selfie with my long hair down… J doesn’t approve of my long hair, J wanted me to be more of a man’s man, i am not, never have been, i have a very strong feminine side which i express, i reject the patriarchal format… Liz Johnson Artur, a photographer i have never heard of, mentioned as a photographer not widely known in the exhibition, black, photography on black people, including men in their masculine roles… reading the article on LJA and this jumps out at me:

    As Katie Hopkins put it in a 2015 column for the Sun, “Some of our towns are festering sores, plagued by swarms of migrants. . . . Make no mistake, they are like cockroaches.”

    … i reel at the thought of this, to describe any set of human beings as cockroaches is unacceptable, and then i think, don’t i think something similar about 45 and his supporters?, and then i think, isn’t this what i think of the woman quoted, i try to be charitable, but it is hard in a world with such human awfulness… this, from the M:LTP article:

    Sally Johnson observed that “it is precisely men’s status as ‘ungendered representatives of humanity’ that is the key to patriarchy.”

    … men as ungendered representatives of humanity, i am not sure what this means… that the nature of the masculine in society is to be androgynous?… the notion of the influence of capitalism on masculinity comes up, which suggests the thought, could we have anything but a patriarchy with capitalism as an organizing system for society?… there is an oddly connected review of Garagem Automatica in ASX by Brad Feuerhelm… a book on urban garages, empty, concrete, space, form, which starts as a reverie on oil, a crucial underpinning of patriarchy, capitalism, a substance Feuerhelm views as having the definitive upper hand on the planet, its burning in the service of commerce the principle driver of global warming and an ultimate reckoning for human life, producing yet more material to be turned into its black oily self, the ultimate all consuming blob…

    July 15, 2020

    226.4 lbs

    04:19 PM – living room, Deadline White House

    … pandemic projections grow more dire…

    01:48 PM – dining room

    … Salon conversation has begun, H to lead, probably Friday… we’ll see what unfolds…

    06:35 AM – walking, Roundhouse, Beacon Falls

    … as i think about Salon last night and my immediate thought that i want to run screaming from it, i realize a conversation with K is in order and it can be expressed in positive terms, not accusatory, that i at least have to try before exiting…

    05:01 AM – my studio

    … residual bad feelings from Salon last night, not enjoying it… an article about walking this morning, i read, then share with BF, he hasn’t produced an email in a couple of weeks, hoping he is alright… the article on walking makes me realize i have got to get H out walking, evening walks i am thinking…

    July 14, 2020

    227.0 lbs

    07:47 – walking, railroad tracks near Madam Brett Trail

    … it occurs to me, given 45’s administration is the closest approach to national power white supremacy has had to date, what will be their reaction to 45’s loss?…

    07:01 – walking 9D

    … watched a fawn get separated from its mother by the traffic on 9D, i wonder about survival rate of fawns separated from their mothers, it’s a sadness i did not want to witness…

    06:39 – walking, Main Street

    … not sure what i was thinking, got distracted by Economist news brief… wondering how to make fuller use of day to get more reading in…

    05:23 – living room while dogs outside

    … having a thought about presenting art virtually and creating it with virtual presentation in mind, nothing specific…

    04:44 AM – my studio

    … neglected to journal yesterday, could have sworn i did, oh well… no alcohol last night, feeling better this AM, will try to keep this going, at least on weekdays, want to be more productive than i have been… been feeling empty about the work i am currently doing, not sure where it is heading, not sure if it is progression or disintegration, in consolidating work flow, am i improving things?, i remain a slave to the daily walk and writing, has it run its course?… i have this thought to do a series of photo poems, short, 11, 13 image booklets, one for each week?… to practice editing and sequencing images?…

    July 12, 2020

    226.4 lbs

    08:00 AM – walking, Madam Brett Trail

    … release the back break, getting warm and a little humid?… quiet, weekdays are becoming my favorite days, as opposed to the weekend, many more people out… made a date with K to do a socially distanced visit with dogs…

    07:16 AM – walking, near 9D bridge

    … dog comes running to me, fine young woman comes after him apologizing, an alpha male in the background, “shorty come home,” my attention is to dog and fine young woman… thinking about my frustration with time to work, read… pretty morning, cooler… there was a power outage last night, appliances blinking, 6:01 the oven clock said, we were awake and aware last night at 6:01 and it is 03:30 AM when i come down, there does appear to have been a wind event last night, tree down at the falls…

    07:34 AM – walking, Madam Brett Trail

    … thinking about the infuriating experience of dealing with Verizon customer service which is geared to discourage the seeking of any kind of service at all… playing out dealing with it again today, getting angry… wind blowing through the trees…

    06:47 AM – walking, Long Dock Park

    … D and i discussing Marcella, the jump the shark way it ended… pretty day, less humid… contemplating the purchase of a floor cleaning machine, not too expensive, could be helpful… need to clean and organize the house… trying to find best place to take defunct electronics, not seeing anything…

    05:20 AM – my studio

    … new week starting, after the storm, birds singing, not that enthusiastically… i keep thinking i am moving closer and closer to something in my daybook production, the move to iPhone photography, the move to pictures that try less hard to be artful, the move to a reflection of life as it catches my attention…