Site Overlay

Week 03

Left click on any photograph to bring up a slide show of all photographs.

January 18, 2020

225.2 lbs

… i drank (alcohol) again, i don’t think i ate (too much), still i (gained) weight… i have started reading Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, have never read it before, trying on the idea that Mari Katayama’s photograph might have a connection to Jeff Wall’s Invisible Man photograph, i think it does, but can i make a convincing argument or am i imposing something that doesn’t fit?… snow today, 2-5 inches… was right to hold the trip off until the storm passes, the weather next week is supposed to be beautiful, though cold… i need to trim my fingernails, they are getting in the way of my typing… i carried the Lumix camera yesterday, the photographs i got were not that good, i don’t know why, it isn’t that i haven’t gotten good photos with it in the past, right now i seem to do better with the Nikon, i seem to be more connected to the act of making a photograph with it… i dragged my fathers leather coat up from the basement and wore it, it is warm, i will bring it on the road trip, it will be bitter cold the whole time… a young woman is sitting across the way, she got up to go to the bathroom, i looked up, she avoided my eyes as she passed, i could read the will not to look in her demeanor, she doesn’t like to encourage men to behave badly towards her?… a gray, snow is coming, kind of day… the young woman across the way is reading, an actual book, not a kindle or other book device, like i am… soup and grilled cheese sandwiches this evening…

January 17, 2020

224.4 lbs

… ugh, i drank (alcohol), ate (too much), gained (weight)… finished Grace Paley book, read Scientific American article on panpsychism offered up by Mozilla web browser, thank you, i needed that… i have long wrestled with consciousness, the idea of it, the nature of it, what thoughtful person has not?… panpsychism, the idea that consciousness in not observable, it is experience and you may be able to dissect to some degree the mechanisms of experience rising into awareness in an organism, but one cannot get inside that experience… panpsychism posits the existence of experience even in sub atomic particles, but so rudimentary that we have no idea what the quality of that experience is… Galileo, created science, when he did, he posited consciousness as something outside of science… artists have known panpsychism all along, instinct, ineffable instinct, no, science as currently constituted cannot grasp it… the idea that experience, in ever simpler forms, extends down the ladder of the biosphere to the simplest organisms, does it make sense to say it stops at the point of inorganic matter?, that some form of organic organization into something we can call life is required for experience to exist?, as i write this, i think about a picture i recently made of a footprint in sidewalk concrete, it made me think of men on the moon, in this context i think, is this not a form of memory?… as i look at a photograph by Mari Katayama, i think about Jeff Wall’s Invisible Man photograph…

January 16, 2020

222.2 lbs

… reading Grace Paley still, an essay, “Some Notes on Teaching, Probably Spoken,” questions the practice of keeping a personal journal, suggesting that focusing on self, on self’s reactions to the world, is boring, not interesting, she forbids it to her writing students for a year… from this i wonder whether i have locked myself inside a routine that has little value to making truth discoveries, we should put ourselves in the bodies and minds of others, she suggests, that would be useful writing, more interesting writing… maybe we need only to learn not to be completely self involved… i go back and read what she said, which i could interpret as meaning, don’t bring your personal journals to read, i find them boring, “When you find only yourself interesting, you are boring.” is what she says…

8:11 AM – Ella’s Bellas

… my walk curtailed a bit, H has painting class this morning, need to be on deck to have breakfast, drive her to class… in a good mood, thinking about writing, about my Daybook blog, about going back to some talks made at Ethical Culture, revising them into essays, publishing them on my Daybook site, expanding my horizons… i think to adopt a model of publishing for free, whatever i want, why not, making a living from the words is not the point… i carried the Nikon today, i have noticed i make more pictures when i do, a lot more pictures, wondering why, is it that having to look through the viewfinder puts me in a more visual, composition mode than composing with the led screen on back of the Lumix?… i think about bringing the Nikon on our trip… i had planned to bring the Lumix… i may still, it’s compactness is easier, quicker, i can use it with viewfinder too, i wonder if i will make more pictures if i do… K loudly asks “Michael, how’s the house?” which of course causes me to lift my head, she’s talking to another Michael… text back and forth with S, he’s getting ready to set out for day of construction work…

January 15, 2020

222.4 lbs

My Studio, time not recorded.

… reading this morning, Grace Paley talked about beginning to write, she found that what she wanted to write about, what interested her, was women, the day to day lives of women, she talked about thinking it was boring stuff, that nobody would want to read it, she talked about accepting what one is compelled to do as an artist, and just do it, and this is what i tell myself over and over again, every time i think, but nobody will be interested, every time i wonder if i should find new subject material that other people might be interested in, every time i have disappointing results when i post to social media, there really is nothing i can do but do what i do… Chas threw up last night, mess on the floor, i stepped in it, i turned the light on and cleaned it up, H never woke up as far as i could tell, we will have to call the vet today, discuss the matter, possibly take him in…

8:09 AM – Big Mouth Coffee Roasters

… sturdy barista woman is in today, i toy with the idea of telling her my name, asking her name, but there is a younger man chatting her up so decide against it, soon, after all, she knows what i will order in the morning, doesn’t that warrant being on a first name basis?… felt a little funky earlier, but my walk seems to have dissipated that feeling… called C yesterday, she asked if i really wanted to know how she was feeling, i said yes, she said depressed, life is not easy right now, her health, J’s health, all not in the best place, i was glad i called, we had a good chat… salon was very good, lots of people, lots of good work, lots of good conversation… numbers like the old days, i elected not to show to make room for all the people who came… S seems good, he is working as contractors assistant, attracting young women like flies to stink, i envy him sometimes, not enough to trade my current life though, i am happy enough… thinking more about how my photography is moving more to matter of fact color of matter of fact subject material, literally what attracts my eye with no particular adornment other than composition and exposure skill, its odd, K, who also has been photographing exclusively in black and white, has recently decided to explore color… the democratic debates last night, Elizabeth Warren proclaimed the winner, Joe Biden had a bad night, Bernie didn’t have the best night, got bested by Warren, pundits think she will see a bump in the poles and the race will tighten, i am waiting patiently, whoever it is, i will rally behind, removing DT being my number one priority, really don’t care much about policy right now… health insurance premiums went up by $150, almost 25%, first time in three years though, so maybe not so bad…

January 14, 2020

221.6 lbs

8:56 AM – Big Mouth Coffee Roasters

… sturdy barista woman pulls down a mug and fills it with medium roast coffee, she knows my usual order, i have told her that i mix it up once in a while, i suppose if i am in that mood i can change her course before she has gone too far, she is looking particularly fine this morning, body hugging knit top, slightly baggy pants riding off the hips, a sturdy figure well displayed, we exchange a few pleasantries about the fog, which i say is nice, she wonders if it is, i allow that it is a photographic problem, hard not to be poetic, romantic, soulful, in predictable ways… i wondered as i walked if there was a way to photograph foggy scenes that isn’t any of those things… i have made a change in the morning that seems significant, i have decided to start every day with at least an hour of reading, sometimes it is a little more because i am in the middle of a story, essay, chapter, and i want to finish before putting my kindle down, i have finished two and a half books in two and a half weeks, i am reading, for the moment, at a book a week pace… this seems significant because i am not reading piecemeal and with some of the harder philosophical works i like to read, this helps with comprehension… i have been reading Grace Paley, short stories then essays, her stories are about day to day life and day to day women mostly, nothing extraordinary, just women trying to get by, raise their kids, find and keep a good man in their lives, they feel autobiographical and when i move on to her essays, i realize they are very much so… as i read this morning and walked i thought about my encounter with the trade in woman at the dealership yesterday and thought maybe i should build a story around that encounter, i wondered if it should be a fantasy fulfillment story for my lizard brain, which seems legitimate enough subject for a story since it is at the heart of the matter, or should it be something else, or that which turns into something else, as i think this i think it is legitimate to have the fantasy fulfillment story and see where it takes me, it seems the most honest thing to do, then, when written to a satisfying fulfillment place, see what else comes from it… H posts about the coffee setup i left her, appreciating me for it, this warms my heart, its the little things we do for one another that matter, and then i find myself wishing for little things for myself… we had a bit of a tiff yesterday, H is on a mission to get a new dog, like a young woman determined to have a child, i worry about the costs, can we afford it, i am hesitant, truthfully i have been dragging my feet a bit, she got irritated with me, but because she can’t drive, she needs me a bit unless she wants to fly the dog, i am interested in making the trip, our first real road trip, i am planning its documentation, words and images, at any rate, i told her i didn’t want to set out until next week because a storm was coming through this weekend and i thought we’d be wise not to set out driving into it, only a couple days delay of the trip, but she got irritated with me anyway, she doesn’t like being dependent on me for comings and goings…

January 13, 2020

222.6 lbs

6:39 – My Studio

How Rising Temperatures Increase the Likelihood of Nuclear War, says the headline for a Nation article… as if any of us needs anything more to depress us…

8:22 AM – Homespun

… feeling annoyed that my morning has been disrupted by needing to get to the car dealership to have the car serviced, also annoyed that i have been unable to log into my bank account remotely, neither by app nor by desktop computer, because, inexplicably, my password/username combo refuses to work and i don’t have all the information on hand to reset the password, like my account number which i will now record in my password safe so that i have it for the future… yesterday i read the lament of a photographer just turning 50 about his assessment that photographers between the ages of 25 and 35 are the ones most likely to be doing something significantly new, progressing the medium forward, which way of looking at things i resist, because making art of any kind is about expressing what is deep within you, and there are relevant depths to all of us at all stages of life… since we live in a culture that honors youth, it makes sense that 25 to 35 would be the age range that we focus on and lift up, but really, is that healthy?… three days of no alcohol, i am feeling better, digestive tract settling down, though it isn’t clear that i did not have a bug, i am willing to do the dishes and set up the coffee after diner, which is huge to getting the next day started easily, which, perhaps, sets the tone for the whole day, though i will note that it didn’t keep me from being frustrated with today, mostly because things are set up today to get in the way of my routine, routine being something i dearly love and abandon reluctantly, i might add, i am not the only animal in the house that feels that way, the cat, the dog, even H sometimes, like their routines and don’t like to have them upset…

11:47 AM – My Studio

… as i edit photographs, i am remembering the youngish woman at the Honda Dealership, her job, to check my interest in trading in i find out eventually, i noticed her the moment i walk through the doors, suddenly her loud voice proclaims to a co-worker “Because I’m fabulous!”, it is an awkward moment for everyone in the space, i notice her slender good looks surmounted by a face that channels Cameron Dias, she has acne, not badly, brown towards black hair, a big toothy smile, she looks like she could eat you, in an alien sense, not a sex sense, but it is the sex sense which attracts me to her as my instant primal summation is that she would be fun in bed and maybe fun out of bed too, i look at her a little too long, catch her eyes too many times as she glides around the space, i think she glides, she seems a little too coarse a person to actually glide, but that is my memory of it, eventually she comes over to me, introduces herself, gives me her card and the spiel about how my car is valuable for a trade in, she will, i suspect, linger in my thoughts throughout the day… i am nervous as i write these words, wonder if i will share them in my daybook, wonder why i should not, because they are disrespectful to H?, the artist in me thinks the reaction is there whether it is made public or not and i know, H should know, i mean no disrespect, just to be honest with thoughts, emotions, feelings that pass through mind and body, i observe them, consider them, write them down, because art is nothing if it isn’t honest…

January 12, 2020

… no words, minimal pictures…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.