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Week 13

March 28, 2020

220.2 lbs

6:09 AM – Home

… bird singing loudly outside, daylight arriving, i have finished my Feedly stream for now, no, not finished, just did everything i had patience for, the bird singing gave me the urge to write now, the hum of the refrigerator, dogs sleeping in the living room, on the couch, or on the couch and chair, i can’t see them, i know without looking… Saturday morning, weekend, more than ever weekend and weekday seem the same, another day in hell about to unfold, hell is cold, quiet, lonely, i will look out on some of it, through the Cuomo briefing, through articles that make sense to me to read, mostly i will pursue my daily routine, out for pictures soon, then breakfast, then edit pictures, then finish a selection of images for two submissions i should make, if i can maintain the psychic energy to do so…

5:21 AM – Home

… multiple trains of thought, the family member who commented on one of my FB posts that DT was doing a good job, i wanted to write back angrily, but realized it is pointless, Trump supporters will do so to the grave, regardless of the evidence… i read that Instacart workers are going on nationwide strike on Monday, time to secure a backup supply stream for myself and parents… i review the news and art feeds on Feedly, not very much that seems useful or even appropriate to the times, especially, and this surprises me, i am having a reaction to the art feeds that it is all irrelevant, am i fatigued?, already?… i want content that offers hope, so little of it seems to, can’t even find a movie that allows me to loose myself in it for a while, nothing interests me, it all falls flat…

March 27, 2020

220.2 lbs

9:03 AM – Home

… each day a new reality to adjust to, partly anticipated, but not fully realized in my panoply of fears, spend the morning adjusting, get comfortable with that new reality, make plans to control what you can, relax in the afternoon, sleep, repeat… i can say to myself that this will be more horrible than i can imagine, which is true, and yet, each new unfolding brings dismay, depression… i do my best to maintain routines, walk every morning, make pictures, process pictures, record a chapter or two of Moby Dick to share with my wife, deal with deliveries, etc… the news is grim, the country dysfunctional, the bright spot, Cuomo, an honest and reassuring presence, except there are indications that what he says is true is not… we are in free fall, nothing to do but take one day at a time…

March 26, 2020

219.4 lbs

5:05 AM – Home

… ok day yesterday, a somewhat hopeful Cuomo assessment, last three days show a flattening of the curve, yea us!, hope it is real and not a pause, Cuomo seemed to share that sentiment, still, it is and will be awful, many deaths, hospitals overrun, DT irrelevant as far as i am concerned, my state, my city, my community, we are what matters right now, what we are doing is good, right, fuck DT… H signaling that she may be able to come home soon, P is planning to join M the beginning of next week, we both felt she should overlap by a few days to be sure they are well set up and have good protection habits… it feels odd that i am handling being alone so well, at least i think i am, i miss H, but i am not lonely, sure, if i could i would go to a cafe just to be among people, but i am ok on my own, i don’t need much direct human contact, H, J, R, C, my small world of relations, that is what is in place now… the Moby Dick reading project continues, don’t know if anyone is listening to it beyond H… the dogs are my company, and the cat, i imagine without them i’d be a little more starved for the contact of living, loving creatures… i will be further modifying my intake procedures to accommodate fresh fruit and vegetables, i read (from a reputable source) that you can prepare a sanitizing bath with a smidge of bleach in water, 1 tablespoon of chlorine bleach (without any additives), to 1 gallon of water, soak for a minute or two, rinse, which is what i will start doing… got the next batch of dog food in the pipe line… ordered a new faucet mount water filter, the one we have has sprung leaks all over the place… i feel as though i should be getting more done than i am, though i have not been inactive, i am doing things, i am working, but i am not sure how efficiently… waiting for the weather to warm a bit so i can venture out to the garden, which reminds me i need to sign up for DS’s grandpa gardeners group… New Orleans, the next city devastated because Mardi Gras happened at precisely the wrong moment, before we really understood generally what we are dealing with, damage done, COVID cases soaring… sitting here thinking i need to write a memo email to mom explaining intake procedures for packages, deliveries etc. to protect themselves…

March 25, 2020

218.6 lbs

8:22 AM – Home

… just back from my walk, among my thoughts during the walk, DT planning a resurrection of the country Easter Sunday, it seems unlikely, i think the virus situation will be dire at that moment in time, i hope the country will not really have patience for that sort of shenanigans, but who knows, the other thought that past through my head was DT as Jim Jones style cult leader, drink the kool aid, good for you, good for the economy…

6:09 AM – Home

… slept pretty well last night, lights out at 8:30 PM, up at 4:15 AM, bathroom twice during the night but no trouble getting back to sleep… Cuomo briefing yesterday frightening, depressing, pleading with federal gov for help, feds moving slow… launched Moby Dick reading project yesterday, some uptake, will keep going with it… dogs a bit restless, need to get them out for some exercise, hard, don’t want to walk in morning because it replaces my normal walk, tend to get caught up in doing things in the afternoon… got mom set up on instacart, but couldn’t place order due to no delivery times available, tried this morning, delivery times available but something was wrong with credit card… Fiona curled up with her bone nearby, house quiet except whine of the furnace…

March 24, 2020

217.8 lbs

6:28 AM – Home

… went to bed early last night in state of weary sadness, in bed by 8, text message to H that i was going to sleep and that i loved here, skipping the usual end of day text back and forth… the idea that government may need to send people back to work, that most likely hundreds of thousands of lives are going to be lost, that the medical system will be overwhelmed and will essentially collapse, sent me into a bit of a tail spin… but economic collapse is not a prettier picture, what governments do in the next weeks and months will be critical, the world economy will need to be restarted… what this means for me and H is that we face an extended period of self quarantine, until there is a vaccine, because we should continue to try not to get it, at least not before some level of normalcy in the healthcare system returns, no diner parties, no going to restaurants when they reopen… i start to think that it will be important to develop our yard, our home, into a pleasant isolation property… i don’t know how H will respond to this, she is more craving of social interaction than i am… will we develop virtual dinner parties?, cocktail parties?, gatherings, so we don’t have to feel so alone?… the dogs are restless, i am torn between taking them for a walk, which becomes mostly about controlling them, and getting my photo walk in… i let Fiona out, the birds are singing early morning songs… i have been making my own crude audible book, i have started reading Moby Dick and sharing it with H, we used to read to each other in the early days of our relationship, i thought it would be nice to do that again while we are separated, i will likely start sharing with friends too…

March 23, 2020

218.8 lbs

7:55 PM – Home

… sad, depressed, the shit storm unfolding, let the virus loose, send everyone back to work, will be horrendous, the costs enormous, no faith that this has been thought through in a good way, the rich trying to save themselves?, fuck them all…

3:09 PM – Home

… dealing with the disturbing news that Gov may send people back to work and let the virus run its course for the most part, fear that if they don’t economy will collapse, it seems unthinkable, but i also understand it to a degree… very frightening, even so, the job is to stay healthy… this would mean H and i would pretty much have to remove ourselves from circulation, but then how do we look after ourselves with doctors, dentists, ophthalmologists, unrealistic to think we would never come in contact with disease, may eventually have to get it and liver through it or not, unless a vaccine is found… this is horrible, worst times ever… is it possible?…

4:25 AM – Home

… up extra early this morning, at least i slept through the night for the most part, seems six hours of sleep is what i need?… scan the news, remarkably little that i consider worth sharing, mostly talking about how DT has failed, old news to those of us who have known he’s been failing all along, fake news to those who think he can do no wrong, so, what’s the point?, i suppose public record…

March 22, 2020

218.6 lbs

8:06 AM – Home

… back from a good walk, almost 7K steps, would like to get back to 10K daily, saw a few people, we all practiced social distancing, more than 6′, minimums, in my opinion, should be thought of as barely adequate… cold, a little breezy, sunny, an optimistic day… people are starting to wake up, text from H, FB activity…

6:29 AM – Home

… unpack today’s delivered items coming out of quarantine, i unpack the salt cod, which, it seems, the distributor felt needed to be in a thermal envelope with chill pack?, it’s laden with salt, will something really grow on it?, isn’t this what ships set to sail with in the actual sail boat days, because the salt preserved it?, well, we’ll see if it was necessary or not… as i look through my online photography feeds, i think about many projects, this seems too self conscious to me, too much an intent to make art, not art made in the process of reacting to the world…

4:51 AM – Home

… the last week of winter, the sun crossed the equator on Thursday it seems, equal day, equal night, the light of days will extend out from here to the longest day of the year towards end of June, where will we all be by then?…

2 thoughts on “Week 13

  1. LARRY FITZPATRICK says:

    Michael, sorry to hear that this virus thing along with the govt is getting you so down. I am started playing a photo game on line “GuruShots”. Nice way to enjoy your photo, as long as you remember it is a game. But, there are a lot of good photos to view.

    1. Isn’t it getting us all down? In general, not doing so bad. Hope you are staying healthy! Thanks for commenting.

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