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Week 17

April 25, 2020

223.0 lbs

10:15 – My Studio

… while i was walking this morning, the experience and the haiku…

Walking empty streets,
The smell of cigarette smoke,
Am I infected?

4:44 AM – My Studio

… an article on Alison Roman catches my eye, food writer, latest phenom, writes for NYT, recipes shared everywhere on social media, especially now, during pandemic, because, what else do people have to do, i am envious, i wish i could stumble onto something that would make me the prom king of the pandemic, alas, my proclivities are anything but fodder for popularity… an article about Gabrielle Hamilton and the shuttering of Prune, one wonders if restaurants will ever, can ever, be the same… i find myself wondering too, why are we so anxious to get back to the economy that was which wasn’t working and which the pandemic seems to say, isn’t the kind of system you want anyway, it’s fragile and it is the bull in the china shop of the earth’s ecosystem… really, can’t we use the time to remake this stupid system?, aren’t we being given a wake up call?… is it any coincidence that i am reading two articles by food celebrities, one who has found a moment, another who has had her moment and ponders how this changes everything…

April 24, 2020

224.0 lbs

10:24 AM – My Studio

… i read about the Chinese tradition of the four dignities, standing, lying, sitting, walking… “They will discover out of ordinary things the meaning of ordinariness. They will not try to make them extraordinary but will only state their real meaning. But out of this they will devise the extraordinary.” Allan Kaprow via Rebecca Solnit, Wanderlust…

8:11 AM – My Studio

“Long ago when railroads began to erode the experience of space, journeys began to be spoken of in terms of time rather than distance (and a modern Angeleno will say that Beverly Hills is twenty minutes from Hollywood rather than so many miles). The treadmill completes this transformation by allowing travel to be measured entirely by time, bodily exertion, and mechanical motion. Space—as landscape, terrain, spectacle, experience—has vanished.” Rebecca Solnit, Wanderlust.

… as i read, i imagine new ways i might make something meaningful, i am tempted to open up new avenues, new approaches to making a record of my having been here, i keep returning to this, a loose format of thought transcription and image memory, composed of the products of walks about Beacon, meant to reflect the ordinariness of the daily unfolding of this life, which is, boring, because it does not concentrate and distill, it just reflects… i think these things, i saw these things, i know these things…

6:45 AM – Home

… rainy, cold… i read an article on paying off the debt overhang we will have when we emerge from the pandemic, whenever that will be… inflation, reduction of SS benefits are possible… sigh… there is not much to complain about in the moment, we seem well off and likely to remain that way for a while… i keep wondering if there isn’t a better way for humanity to organize itself than we are at present… the economic system we have is killing the planet and driving many to kill themselves because it has little to offer them…

April 23, 2020

225.0 lbs

6:10 AM – Home

… i take some minutes to look through the one Johansson book i have, wonderful, i look through my own pictures again and think about the books i will make soon, supplies gathering, i am satisfied with my work… i open Wanderlust, last chapter/section and read: We’ve all heard of that future, and it sounds pretty lonely. In the next century, the line of thinking goes, everyone will work at home, shop at home, watch movies at home and communicate with all their friends through videophones and e-mail. it’s as if science and culture have progressed for one purpose only: to keep us from ever having to get out of our pajamas. San Francisco Chronicle, via Wanderlust by Rebecca Solnit… i think to myself, well, not science and culture, but nature in the form of pandemic has brought this about for many of us…

5:41 AM – Home

… i stop to read an article on Gerry Johansson, Swedish(?) photographer, one of my favorites, so much to learn about the beauty of the ordinary, i look, i read, i think how do i compare with the images i am making?, i review my images, they are different, i like what i see, i like my work, but it isn’t the same, though what i am photographing might be in its it is what it is attitude… i think for a moment that i have to do some work on my sister’s website today, i resent that, i do make some money from it, which helps with buying photography supplies, but i still resent spending time on anything other than what i really want to spend time on, my photography, reading, cooking, writing, nothing that isn’t directed at a result that i want to achieve and enjoy…

5:06 AM – Home

… up early, frustrated with weight gain, with something wrong with my Economist Mag subscription which i will solve later… wanted to read an article on how the Southern states are moving to reopen even as their infection rates seem to be on the rise… read and wrote about he continuing confusion the Cheeto-in-chief engenders, saying there may not be a second wave (no health expert thinks that is true) or that it will be completely controllable (no health expert is certain of what to expect other than a second wave is probable), hopefully we will be better prepared and therefor better able to handle… a little dustup with H last night about running the news all day, it’s so not healthy, in my opinion, to do that, H is very resistant to not doing it, she suggests i should be able to tune it out, i tell her that is not possible and that my choice is to retreat to my studio, which is a tiny room upstairs and even then i have to put on headphones to drown it out, H is stubborn sometimes… i am up extra early this AM, not sure why, i was in bed at 9 AM… i look at an article in Aperture about the pandemic play lists of famous photographers, i am annoyed by that, what the fuck do i care about the playlists photog celebrities are pursuing?, fuck celebrity… let the dogs out, fuck it is cold, tired of the cold…

April 22, 2020

224.0 lbs

1:46 PM – My Studio

… couple of good walks, my photo walk early, then breakfast, then with H and the dogs out to Stony Kill, the Verplanck Ridge trail… cold, breezy, getting tired of it being cold… trying to find a rhythm to adapt to H’s desire to walk with dogs, she likes company, so the second walk, than up to the studio to edit photographs… beginning to imagine the books i want to make, plan them out in my head… i have so many photographs, a lot of books possible, thought i would start with sets on my website, then move on from there… national conversation about restarting the economy, the Mayor of Las Vegas being unbelievably stupid and spouting nonsense, they are going to treat everyone as though they are asymptomatic, how do you do that?, and of course, if everyone asymptomatic, they have it, no need to socially distance, but, then, of course, not everyone has it, so, then the procedure for someone who has would be to tell them to stay home and quarantine, but then nobody would be in the casinos so economy not restarted, so everyone will have it and we should keep our distance, how do we wrap them up so they can’t transmit, everyone in hazmat suits?, like i said, she made absolutely no sense… plus southern governors insisting on opening even before federal guidelines say they should, and just a few minutes ago, looks like the Cheeto-in-chief will head out on the rally trail again, really? how will that work?, how keep crowds from spreading virus?, how protect the president?…

April 21, 2020

225.0 lbs

4:37 AM – Home, not alone

… skin spots resolving, worry about nothing it seems, but then, this is a time built for worry, if not skin spots, then about getting the virus… H has been having a rough time last few days, she does not take to isolation as well as i do… made salt cod and leek gratin last night, very delicious, incorporated some potato gnocchi in it… i received my book trimming bar yesterday, tested it, worked beautifully, so i ordered a finishing press, moving towards the set up i saw in Newburgh on open studio day, next is to order the appropriate paper… i stop to do some research on paper, Japanese Washi paper, for my photo book project, i want to do something quiet, meditative, Japanese stab binding, something soothing… watched some of the Administration briefing yesterday, it did seem, when the Cheeto wasn’t talking, like the feds were beginning to get their act together, it does seem that we are going to loosen up, hoping for the best, expecting the worst… received an Instacart delivery yesterday, beginning to sour on getting groceries that way, friends told me the other day that Adams seniors hour wasn’t to bad, thinking i will give it a shot, not happy with the selection of products from Shop Rite, a little put off by my shopper, a man, African American, who’s photo was a head and shoulders shot in which he was clearly bare chested, this did not inspire confidence, and truthfully, i have not been perceiving that the shoppers are taking adequate precautions… the dogs did not come down this morning… i think Fiona climbed on the bed, Chas followed and everybody is merrily snuggling… what do i intend to do today… photo walk, read, edit photos, post photos, get back on track with MD project?… i think i might publish a short story today…

April 20, 2020

225.2 lbs

5:41 AM – Home, not alone

… just finished posting an article about the turn to walking as a means of socializing, properly distanced walking of course… walking that isn’t centered on commerce, instead, centered on connection, relationship, etc., i wondered about a society built on walking as the main mode of social engagement, what it might be like, but then immediately the visions of the rush to exploit the markets of the new favorite pastime, market capitalism abhors a profit vacuum, we’d all get sucked back into the old ways pretty quickly… we had a nice day yesterday, good walk in the morning, got some things done, made ourselves a great dinner, roasted salmon with cherry tomatoes and capers, white bean puree with saffron, roasted asparagus, surprise birthday cake dropped off by a friend… outside a dove is calling, it’s almost six, dawn is on the way… in this moment, i decide i need to try yet again to change my behavior towards the things i want to do/not do but find it difficult to not do/do… A wrote me a note a few days i go, great to hear from her, i told her that… H joined the family conference call yesterday for the first time… i learn that S has been having troubles with the occasional customers who don’t protect themselves and others when in her store… i hadn’t realized people were allowed in the shop at all, i am glad i dissinfect everything that comes from there… ugh, how did i gain three pounds in one day, water weight, it will come back off again, but really, ugh… i should get my book trimming tool today, i will test it, see if it is the solution, hoping that it is… then i am thinking to head into a round of book making… redesign the accordion book, make other books, i found experimental pages i printed a while back, they were beautiful, i remember abandoning the effort because they would be too expensive to make, but they were beautiful so i am going to make them anyway… coffee doesn’t taste as good this morning… my stomach is churning… i slept in till my alarm went off, that is not usual…

April 19, 2020

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