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Week 19

May 09, 2020

224.2 lbs

Reflections have been catching my attention lately. Something about their ephemerality and parallel universe quality.

Spinning sculpture in a window.

Self with prayer flags fluttering in the breeze.

Miscellaneous black and whites from my walk.

The crown in the window struck me as a lurking corona virus.

5:04 AM – My Studio

… right now, a bird singing furiously outside… woke up at the normal time today… last night, tired, overwhelmed, pandemic logistics exhausting, i struggle to keep the supply chain going, struggle to take in the new washer and dryer, struggle to get the power cord needed to hook the dryer up, struggle to get the meat we ordered from Barb’s, sanitize and stow, struggle to intake food from Beacon Pantry, struggle to intake martinis and chicken tenders delivered to our door from Max’s… reviewing pictures from yesterday i come across one of a hopscotch board drawn in a parking lot, pandemic playtime… i look up the history, discover a version of the game is played by children in every country, that in NYC it is called “potsy” after the shard of pottery used as a marker in the game… depressed about politics and that stock market is not reflecting the reality of the situation on the ground, wtf?, and yes, you can probably count me as one that hopes, on some level, that the economy is awful come November, to eliminate any chance the Cheeto-in-chief will get another four… I have the luxury of this thought because i and H are in a good position economically, so, we have less skin in the game that so many people do, still, i don’t feel particularly guilty about the thought as i believe another four years of the C-I-C will kill most anything that was good about the country… even as i write this, i wonder if it is i who is the dinosaur here, that systemic change is happening and leaving me behind…

May 08, 2020

225.0 lbs

A friend commented when I posted the dead animal photo on Instagram, “that’s horrible” T said. I said, “yup, but that’s how the cosmos is sometimes.”

May 07, 2020

225.2 lbs

7:21 AM – my walk

… eagle flying across water

5:55 AM – Home

… the sounds of essential workers outside, collecting the garbage…

4:48 AM – Home

… pervasive sense of frustration, i am unable to keep my days ordered, with routine, to get done what i want to get done… need to get laundry room ready, need to work on J’s website, need to do my own work… read a devastating critique of American society as it has evolved, as it has been exposed by the pandemic… it is truly awful what the wealthy have done… so much that is wrong headed… the government is failing, society is failing to provide fairly and equitably for all its peoples, no system of government should survive if it can’t do so… Bulwark propose reforming the Capitalist Market system in profound ways, government exercising its fair arbiter role, not socialism, a curb on the perversion of the system to serve the few… as i read the article i wonder if i need to tip my Instacart shoppers better, i wonder if i need to reconstruct our supply chain to not rely on these workers and companies… i think about the pair of hawks i surprised in the middle of their predatory dance with a squirrel, when they flew off to a distance, the squirrel was too stunned/injured to run, walking, not running away, one of the Hawks swoops down again, up to a perch, the squirrel still trying to make its way somewhere, it was a horrifying sight, nature unfolding, seemed a metaphor for the virus, i saw the squirrel as humanity, hawks as the virus, hard to be confronted with direct evidence that the universe is a place where creatures play the roles they play, moving in and out of existence without prejudice one way or another, except humans, with the capacity to construct societies in which there is good, bad, right, wrong, moral clarity or the lack thereof, humans can and often do embrace and protect the weakest among them, though many would prefer the brutal Darwinian struggle that we alone seem to have developed the capacity to escape, there must be some meaning to that… the current stance of the mostly white, wealthy, patriarchal managers of society is that the poor, the black, the brown, the elderly, should parish in service of their greed, an unconscionable stance, humanity is capable of better, isn’t it?…

May 06, 2020

This was a particularly successful day for images. These nine photos seem to contain the basic map for a more extended pandemic series to me.

4:38 PM – Home

… Nicole Wallace, catching up on the news… Trump loosing ground in the polls… please, please, please let that be real and lasting, if we can just get through to the other side of this… caught up on photo editing, wondering about a reflection series to channel the upside down world of the pandemic… i am frustrated, nowhere to go, so much to do, cannot get it all done, how did i manage before?…

Pair of hawks preying,
Squirrel too stunned for escape,
Appalling nature.

May 05, 2020

224.4 lbs

7:56 AM – back garden

… pleasant walk but too many unmasked people about… runners, walkers… wondering if I should do a weekly blog post, more composed, more written, along the lines of BF, or does he own the space and is my daybook enough?… more yard work today, have to take advantage of no rain, I will clean up the debris removed yesterday… what will the project be after that?… there are many, paint bay window, paint front porch, repair front porch, Fiona finds me in the rear yard, H must be awake, what else?…

6:45 AM – morning walk

… don’t have a good rhythm to the day, when do i write?, when do i work?, when do i garden?… unmasked man invades my space, or did he view it as his space?… chill in the air, sun cutting through it, birds singing, sound of a jet plane overhead… made some reflection photos, upside down world… man going into bank, overweight, no gloves no mask… lone Canada Goose flies over the bridge, honking, as if to warn crossing traffic… in the time of COVID-19 i hate joggers…

May 04, 2020

May 03, 2020

226.8 lbs

5:07 AM – Home

… sitting here, making my way through the news feeds, windows open, rain drops splashing, birds singing, it was not supposed to rain, i look at dark sky, rain stopping soon, it’s been heavy apparently, it seems i will get out for a walk after all… H unable to sleep last night… dogs cornered a groundhog yesterday, glad they didn’t actually get it, he has tunnels under the garage, things living in the garage, we need to put a stop to that… garden work done yesterday, my container garden system will hopefully be ready to go next weekend… the pandemic withers on… the public, the conservative public, rebelling against stay at home orders, my guess is we will easily reach the 100K dead mark and beyond, we are not prepared to get back to work, we are not able to protect ourselves, i don’t think we can keep it at the slow burn we have been able to achieve, so hospitals are not overrun… the birds seem very happy…

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