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Week 29

As I look back on the week I am wondering when this pervasive sense of gloom will end. The news that 45 has deployed the Border Patrol to Portland, that he has established a secret police force to infiltrate so called “anarchic” groups and that he is installing his cronies at the Pentagon, bypassing congress in the process, all disturbs.

A prevalent feeling this week is that this Daybook project is pointless. It is time consuming. The daily gathering and processing of images, writing in my journal, takes from 06:00 AM to at least noon, often well into the afternoon. I will do it at least to the end of the year, so that it is a full year. I will re-evaluate then.

One interesting bit of content that came to my attention this week was a new magazine startup, LIMBO, dedicated to the support of out-of-work photographic artists. The out of work artists who create and publish the magazine and the many artists featured in its pages share the proceeds. I ordered a copy to support, to see. It may take three months to get here but I will share it when it does.

Another was the review of Masculinities: Liberation Through Photography, an exhibition at the Barbican in London. Photographic takes on maleness by a variety of artists, male, female, LGBTQ. It is provocative, though I am not clear how photography is a liberating force in this case. Perhaps the consideration of multiple shades of masculinity, which is what the exhibit does, will help the men who go to see it recognize the many shades of being male.

There was also a review of Garagem Automatica in ASX by Brad Feuerhelm which included a noteworthy meditation on oil, the life and ultimate death of civilization. The book is a series of photographs taken in empty parking garages in Brasilia, Brazil that do have a sense of “after the apocalypse” to them.

July 18, 2020

225.0 lbs

06:58 – walking, Roundhouse, falls

… wish i were feeling better, feel sad, depleted, me and most of the country… very alarmed by Portland and Pentagon, very worried about November… i am expecting 45 to move on Biden at some point, Justice Department?, Ukraine?…

06:17 – walking Main Street

… woman pacing all over, talking loudly on her phone, saw her yesterday too… young, tall, brown skin, tank top, orange, short, short, jean shorts…

05:52 AM – dining room

an article on hermits in Russia in Feature Shoot…

05:34 AM – dining room

… going through my feeds, come across article on LIMBO, a photography magazine to support out of work artists… some pretty high profile artists featured, hard to believe they need the support, to drive the sales?… i order a copy, shipping advice on website indicates it may be as long as 12 weeks to arrive because of current pandemic conditions…

04:51 AM – dining room

… up early, dogs too, we all come down, dogs go out, dishes get washed, dogs come in, coffee gets made, dogs get treats, i stretch my body, another day begins… just read a Jonathan Blaustein review of a book, a privileged woman making photographs of her sons as they grow up, well, it seems to start in their early teen years, published by Steidl, hmmm… i bet the woman has some connections, at any rate, JB found the book interesting, i didn’t, really, it’s self indulgent, but then perhaps all art is self indulgent, but really, is it remarkable to take advantage of a situation you are already on the inside of?, of course it can be, Sally Mann comes to mind… H seems to be waking up, i wonder if she will come down, sounds like she will, it wasn’t the dogs this time, they are with me… i look through photos made yesterday, not a bad bunch, though lately it has all seemed a little aimless, pointless…

July 17, 2020

No weigh in

07:29 AM – walking, Fishkill Creek near the falls

… light sprinkles… K appears to have again left me out of his correspondence with H, what is that about?… a notification of lightning 30+ miles away… feeling happy today, though a little apprehensive about zoom meetings later, especially CPW meeting, not sure where things will wind up on that front, don’t have a big stake in it though…

July 16, 2020

226.0 lbs

07:02 – walking, Madam Brett Park

… sitting in the middle of Fishkill Creek, on rocks that are accessible only when water is low, lots of garbage strewn about, happens in spots visited by lots of people, feeling a bit mournful, weather is mournful, sky thick with clouds… a mama duck and her ducklings come to graze among the rocks, mama seems unconcerned about me for the most part, i am here, only moving a little… she watches me, a little more concerned than before…

04:26 AM – dining room

… reading an article about exhibit of photographs of “men as men,” the idea that men past and present struggle to consider themselves as gendered and the range of gendering that they might experience… Masculinities: Liberation Through Photography, the title of the exhibition… started to click past but decided to look more deeply, read, think, while doing so i made a selfie with my long hair down… J doesn’t approve of my long hair, J wanted me to be more of a man’s man, i am not, never have been, i have a very strong feminine side which i express, i reject the patriarchal format… Liz Johnson Artur, a photographer i have never heard of, mentioned as a photographer not widely known in the exhibition, black, photography on black people, including men in their masculine roles… reading the article on LJA and this jumps out at me:

As Katie Hopkins put it in a 2015 column for the Sun, “Some of our towns are festering sores, plagued by swarms of migrants. . . . Make no mistake, they are like cockroaches.”

… i reel at the thought of this, to describe any set of human beings as cockroaches is unacceptable, and then i think, don’t i think something similar about 45 and his supporters?, and then i think, isn’t this what i think of the woman quoted, i try to be charitable, but it is hard in a world with such human awfulness… this, from the M:LTP article:

Sally Johnson observed that “it is precisely men’s status as ‘ungendered representatives of humanity’ that is the key to patriarchy.”

… men as ungendered representatives of humanity, i am not sure what this means… that the nature of the masculine in society is to be androgynous?… the notion of the influence of capitalism on masculinity comes up, which suggests the thought, could we have anything but a patriarchy with capitalism as an organizing system for society?… there is an oddly connected review of Garagem Automatica in ASX by Brad Feuerhelm… a book on urban garages, empty, concrete, space, form, which starts as a reverie on oil, a crucial underpinning of patriarchy, capitalism, a substance Feuerhelm views as having the definitive upper hand on the planet, its burning in the service of commerce the principle driver of global warming and an ultimate reckoning for human life, producing yet more material to be turned into its black oily self, the ultimate all consuming blob…

July 15, 2020

226.4 lbs

04:19 PM – living room, Deadline White House

… pandemic projections grow more dire…

01:48 PM – dining room

… Salon conversation has begun, H to lead, probably Friday… we’ll see what unfolds…

06:35 AM – walking, Roundhouse, Beacon Falls

… as i think about Salon last night and my immediate thought that i want to run screaming from it, i realize a conversation with K is in order and it can be expressed in positive terms, not accusatory, that i at least have to try before exiting…

05:01 AM – my studio

… residual bad feelings from Salon last night, not enjoying it… an article about walking this morning, i read, then share with BF, he hasn’t produced an email in a couple of weeks, hoping he is alright… the article on walking makes me realize i have got to get H out walking, evening walks i am thinking…

July 14, 2020

227.0 lbs

07:47 – walking, railroad tracks near Madam Brett Trail

… it occurs to me, given 45’s administration is the closest approach to national power white supremacy has had to date, what will be their reaction to 45’s loss?…

07:01 – walking 9D

… watched a fawn get separated from its mother by the traffic on 9D, i wonder about survival rate of fawns separated from their mothers, it’s a sadness i did not want to witness…

06:39 – walking, Main Street

… not sure what i was thinking, got distracted by Economist news brief… wondering how to make fuller use of day to get more reading in…

05:23 – living room while dogs outside

… having a thought about presenting art virtually and creating it with virtual presentation in mind, nothing specific…

04:44 AM – my studio

… neglected to journal yesterday, could have sworn i did, oh well… no alcohol last night, feeling better this AM, will try to keep this going, at least on weekdays, want to be more productive than i have been… been feeling empty about the work i am currently doing, not sure where it is heading, not sure if it is progression or disintegration, in consolidating work flow, am i improving things?, i remain a slave to the daily walk and writing, has it run its course?… i have this thought to do a series of photo poems, short, 11, 13 image booklets, one for each week?… to practice editing and sequencing images?…

July 12, 2020

226.4 lbs

08:00 AM – walking, Madam Brett Trail

… release the back break, getting warm and a little humid?… quiet, weekdays are becoming my favorite days, as opposed to the weekend, many more people out… made a date with K to do a socially distanced visit with dogs…

07:16 AM – walking, near 9D bridge

… dog comes running to me, fine young woman comes after him apologizing, an alpha male in the background, “shorty come home,” my attention is to dog and fine young woman… thinking about my frustration with time to work, read… pretty morning, cooler… there was a power outage last night, appliances blinking, 6:01 the oven clock said, we were awake and aware last night at 6:01 and it is 03:30 AM when i come down, there does appear to have been a wind event last night, tree down at the falls…

07:34 AM – walking, Madam Brett Trail

… thinking about the infuriating experience of dealing with Verizon customer service which is geared to discourage the seeking of any kind of service at all… playing out dealing with it again today, getting angry… wind blowing through the trees…

06:47 AM – walking, Long Dock Park

… D and i discussing Marcella, the jump the shark way it ended… pretty day, less humid… contemplating the purchase of a floor cleaning machine, not too expensive, could be helpful… need to clean and organize the house… trying to find best place to take defunct electronics, not seeing anything…

05:20 AM – my studio

… new week starting, after the storm, birds singing, not that enthusiastically… i keep thinking i am moving closer and closer to something in my daybook production, the move to iPhone photography, the move to pictures that try less hard to be artful, the move to a reflection of life as it catches my attention…

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