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Week 38

Image Poem 2020-38 Video

Image-Poem_2020-38

September 19, 2020

228.0 lbs

04:11 AM – my studio

… did not sleep well, will be tired later today… the news of the passing of RBG last night, an unspeakable tragedy, she was trying so hard not to give her seat to 45 to fill, but he and Mitch McConnel will fill it and the most immediate consequence of that will almost certainly be decisions around the election and healthcare… waiting for HCR daily brief to come, i am sure she will have lots to say about it… HCR brief arrived, a lovely tribute to RBG and immediately identifying the healthcare law issue before the court as something that will be affected consequentially by her absence, we have got to put dems in power, apparently, there was a great fundraising haul in the hours after the announcement of her passing… may her final act be to push us over the top to defeat the mostly patriarchy… i order a copy of Postcards from the Past by Elena Cremona, an impulse buy, but i am excited to have another gift to myself on the way… i read about David Byrne’s American Utopia, a film adaptation of a stage play by Spike Lee… an article on Ralph Eugene MeatyardThe Unicorn Rests in a GardenJonathan Blaustein on Jordana Kalman and Melissa Borman

September 18, 2020

227.2 lbs

08:05 AM – walking, Beacon Falls

… again Ulysses not syncing… my day is off to a good start, slept well and long, finished my book, HCR a little upbeat, no news other than that, pleasant walk, i put on a flannel shirt this AM, fall is officially here… i cleaned up the kitchen completely before leaving this AM… dogs rambunctious, they like the cool weather… things i need to do today, call Sigma Trembley for fireplace maintenance, send J the book…

04:38 – my studio

… HCR sounding more hopeful, paints 45 as more desperate, former 45 admin officials prepared to criticize 45… i read the final words of Belonging, Toko-pa Turner, they are beautiful, eloquent, i long to find the comfort she has found, the place she has found… bless you… i sign up for her newsletter, i like her FB page, i look at her Instagram account, but do not follow it, i begin to get the impression that she seeks celebrity, particularly through the Instagram page, that she enjoys being a personality, sigh, how is it that this world turns everything of value into a commodity?… as a teacher with something to offer, anonymity suits humility, but not the teaching… how do you avoid narcissism while sharing your discoveries with the world?… i look at my Feedly feed for the first time in many days, i’ve been starting the day with reading in a hopeful book, now the book is finished, i wait for the next one that i want to engage in to surface… in my photography feed i discover the work of Michael Swann, immediate love, want to tell him, it is a kind of work that mine has something in common with… worked on my first photo poem yesterday, well not the first, there were some quite a while ago, they were ok, but not great, i think i am ready to do better now…

September 17, 2020

07:29 AM – walking Long Dock Park

… as i walk my dominant thoughts are about narcissism and that 45 is a natural outgrowth from a society that is narcissistic…

06:06 AM – my studio, with the dogs

… reading in Belonging again, this:

I Want to Be Alive with You: I want to be guided by older-ups. I want babies to be born where old people die. I want to be sandwiched in the middle of a messy togetherness. I want to be warned before I do something stupid. I want to be forgiven when I do it anyway. I want wisdoms to be tapped out on my eardrums and not Googled. I want transitions to be recognized by fire. I want gifts to be educed from children. And teenagers and adults. I want to mean something to my community. I want to get drunk on substance morning and night. I want to hear your dreams. I want to raise a revolution for gentleness. I want to call bullshit on consensus reality. I want to get rich only so I can billboard the highways with validations. I don’t want to be another faker. I don’t want to show you my good side and hide my humanity. I don’t want to dole out my self in digestible status-chunks. I want to challenge you in long, drawn-out rituals and still find you interested. I want to feed you seventeen-course meals made with spices I crushed. I want to recite you circular poems, each beginning cutting a deeper grasp. I want to make you feel something, even if it’s awkward. I want to sing you songs which are ancient and new. I want to carve stories in trees with tools my elders fashioned. I want to keep sharpening them. I want to find places we’ve never been. And then, I want to return there, but backwards. I want to shuffle up words so we don’t sleep through them. I want to learn things and then be splashed into never forgetting. I want to make you feel seen. I want to hold your pounding heart in my gentlest of hands. I want to make your piece feel like my piece. I don’t want to miss a moment. I want to dig at the bottom and find it false. I want to turn up unknown depths. I want to stand in this hurricane and sing the sweetest, most naked song you can bear. I want to be alive with you. 1

… cries of the little men next door, life happening… the idea that 45 is a mirror to our own narcissism…

Which brings us to narcissism. I believe a huge part of our collective feeling of emptiness comes from living in this self-centred phase of our evolution as a species, where everything begins with I. I want this object, I want to succeed. I want to improve myself. Even: I want to belong.2

September 16, 2020

224.0 lbs

07:50 – walking, Roundhouse, Falls

… writing in a blank note again because Ulysses is not syncing properly, two days running, what gives?… i imagine a weekly photo poem, i need to assemble one, for last week, see what it is… year, week, images… photo poems… no words?… H and J extensive communication via messenger this AM, my pocket buzzing periodically as the convo progresses… the case Evangelicals make for 45, i call BS…

04:52 AM – my studio

… reading a chapter on dreaming and story telling in belonging, i have been having a lot of dreams lately, relatively interesting ones, not threatening, not bad dreams, just dreams of journeys, i am not remembering them, i need to try to remember them since i am presently conscious of dreaming a lot… i have been thinking about J lately, that i know little about where they came from, anything about their side of the family, about their impact on my perceptions of myself, about my disconnection from the family story, continuity…

If we want magic to come alive in our lives, we must tend to our everyday relationship to it.3

We can use story to shape the future we are creating through imaginative journaling, writing in detail about the life we are stepping into4

September 15, 2020

224.3 lbs

… why is Ulysses not syncing?…

07:34 AM – walking, Roundhouse, Falls

… a funny sunrise this AM, orange globe, very clear day, no clouds, but haze, are we experiencing the smoke plumes from the west?… i continue to mull A’s comment yesterday, wondering if i should respond, how to respond if i do… disturbing HCR post this AM about the rising incitement to violence including the claim that all mask wearers are anarchists who don’t want to be identifiable, i match this experience against being almost run over last Friday by a heavy duty pickup truck, while wearing a mask… we will visit J today, looking forward/not looking forward, it will be fine… i stop to sit on a stump in memorial park… Bryan Formhals comes to mind… lawn mowers in Memorial Park… cars hissing by on 52…

04:57 AM – my studio

… yesterday i posted some images of graffiti under the bridge at 9D, one of which was called out by A as having a message they did no like and did not agree with, T later added that they “would not post such racist scrawl”… i was aware that there was an overtly racist text in the graffiti, “chinks go home” was written over a caricature of an asiatic woman, however, my interpretation was that it was not the intent of the caricature artist, but added latter by a different person… i thought perhaps the caricatures themselves were racist, but the caricature of the asiatic woman was not unflattering… the other could have been construed as a depiction of a monkey type individual that was a little threatening, but in researching monkey images as racist symbolism, it seemed outside the mainstream of such symbolism, so my thought is that sometimes a monkey caricature is just a monkey caricature, there did not seem to be any other overtly racist components of the scene… i thought perhaps the word hyena had racist overtones, but again, the most i could come up with is the racist hyena controversy surrounding Disney’s Lion King, so i remain a bit baffled unless the reaction was purely to the “chinks go home” which i did not believe was the intended message of the underlying graphics… i will research more, but the whole thing felt like a metaphorical “drive by shooting,” A failed to explain what their reaction was to, failed to address me directly, failed to educate me about why they reacted the way they did, and as for T, it felt like a pile on… my mistake, perhaps, was to express admiration for a scene that did have a racist trope in it, but which was in my opinion a minor, even negligible component of the overall scene, next time i will present it as an observation…

September 14, 2020

226.0 lbs

08:34 AM – walking, Madame Brett Trail, Fishkill Creek

… i take the time to clamber out on the rocks in the middle of FC… i respond to H’s post about their dad, the anniversary of his death… a woman sketching up by the dam, we take note of each other then isolate in our own reveries…

07:49 AM – walking, Madame Brett Trail

… sync failure so i post here to cut and paste later… thoughts about J, that they are a bully, interested in domination, not conversation… thoughts about how the economic system is screwed up, capitalism just can’t be the right way to go… thoughts about making books and giving them to people, thoughts about framing photographs for my show, so many thoughts… a man sitting in my usual sit stop, as i move on i note the earbuds in his ear, i see that a lot on these trails, i wonder why the sounds of nature are not enough…

04:38 AM – my studio

… i am uplifted this AM, as coffee water was heating up, i read in Belonging, the words seemed to confirm a recent inclination to turn my path towards something more communal… Toko-pa Turner tells me to dedicate myself to a craft and to put it out in the world as i am ready, as i read, i remember my recent decision to be more supportive of those seeking to create, to give praise to others when i feel that praise is due, this my new social media strategy, make it about others as much or more as myself, H has this mastered it seems to me… also, to find a craft and learn it, pursue it, i think about the artist book making that has been so on hold, i want and need to get back to it… and i think about making short simple books of my photographs, and giving them to people i care about…

September 13, 2020

223.8 lbs

08:01 – walking, Long Dock Park

… long convo with R, 45, Dogwood… Nikon today, some iPhone… Sunday, quiet, HCR disturbing as it often is… freight train across the river, gentle lapping of the shoreline… words drift to me from a group of men, “satan worshipping, interbreeding,” i have the impression they are ragging on liberals…

  1. Turner, Toko-pa. Belonging: Remembering Ourselves home (pp. 241-242). Her Own Room Press. Kindle Edition.
  2. Turner, Toko-pa. Belonging: Remembering Ourselves home (p. 245). Her Own Room Press. Kindle Edition.
  3. Toko-pa Turner, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home
  4. Toko-Pa Turner: Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home

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