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2021.04.29

01 First Thoughts

230.2 lbs

… up a little before 4AM, perfect!… dogs and cat attended to… garbage put out, coffee made, i come upstairs to my studio and realize i need to update my OS, been trying to for the last three days, an extra early start gives me the space…

… i am in the uptick part of weight cycle, it will turn down again soon, or should…

… Fiona sleeps on the studio bed beside me, the cat calls, i wonder if that is any relationship to the word catcalling, like the book of poems i am reading… i look up the word, it originates from medieval times, a shrill whistle expressing disapproval at a theater performance or public meeting, also a sexual comment, innuendo hurled at a woman passing by… cat + calling the root…

… the computer has been stuck on 15 minutes to go for a while now…

… HCR about Biden/Harris efforts to save democracy, ambitious plans to help the people, help the country, get things done… hoping enough gets done, hoping enough of the people see the moment for what it is… good vs evil, survival and thrival at stake… approximately 10 minutes left, dislike computer updates, they are time sucks… want to get on with my morning…

02 Derek Jarman

… a garden journal… growing things in a not too hospitable environment, rugged coast, in the shadow of a nuclear power plant… it is a solo pursuit…

… i read about rosemary, i just planted some, ‘where rosemary flourishes, women rule,’ or perhaps the feminine, i hope the rosemary I planted flourishes, the feminine too…

One of the joys our technological civilization has lost is the excitement with which seasonal flowers and fruits were welcomed; the first daffodil, strawberry, or cherry are now things of the past, along with the precious moment of their arrival1

… and thus the cyclical nature of time is broken down for a linear concept more useful to capitalism…

… i am 17 pages into the book, Jarman reveals his homosexuality, and then, the illnesses of his friends, the ravaging of AIDs, decimating the gay community, his community… another plague, another time… this in the context of his garden and admiration for flowers…

… this book was published in 1991, the copy I am reading purchased that same year and inscribed to Phil from Sarah…

Inscription in my copy of Modern Nature, by Derek Jarman
Inscription in my copy of Modern Nature, by Derek Jarman

… at the end of his life, Jarman traded in the ego satisfaction of film making, the drunken wild nights, for the peace and quiet of a cottage and garden… it is, so far, a melancholy relating of self, time and place… what becomes important as we face death is not at all what was important as we lived life, not for most of us… we get led astray to consider things important that barely matter… as i write this i think about J who must know their life is coming to a close, one might expect some introspection, there are no signs of it, no signs of a realization that anything was more important than self… i see how some people can live entire lives without ever realizing what is really important…

03 Still Waiting

… 2 1/2 hours to install OS update, not how i intended to spend my morning… ah well, some reading done anyway…

04 Still Waiting

… birds and rain outside my window, still waiting for the OS update to complete, as I do, i imagine i will make a book of the dark matter photographs, then a book of the tree, then a book of Mount Beacon… i will do these in blurb…

about 9 minutes remaining...
about 9 minutes remaining…

… generally speaking, this can be multiplied by three… now it says 7 minutes… my inner child, are we there yet?… 6 minutes… i can’t wait that long!… 5 minutes… rain stopping in Beacon says the banner across the top of my screen, good, i can walk… 4 minutes… 3 minutes… almost there!… can’t wait that long!… 2 minutes…

Derek Jarman, Modern Nature
Derek Jarman, Modern Nature

… this morning’s reading material… less than a minute!… too long!… we are in!!!… booting up!!!…

05 Pictures From My Walk

  1. Derek Jarman, Modern Nature, p 12

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