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Week 15

April 11, 2020

220.6 lbs

5:58 AM

… a little more hopeful today… good sleep… watched Eat, Drink, Man, Woman last night, good movie, not my favorite food movie, but a good movie, interesting view of the density and uniformity of Chinese society, thought the main characters are all individuals against the uniform backdrop… more and more likely that H will be home soon, P being a little stubborn about quarantine, annoying both of us, the question being, technically, H should quarantine for same period which means probably a week and half before she comes home…

April 10, 2020

219.8 lbs

5:50 AM – Home

… feeling apprehensive, struggling to focus, alone, dogs, puss, me, day after day… there is a general routine, i stick with it reasonably well, still, my capacity to focus is diminished… i apply ink to the ink pad i just bought, so i can use my fish stamp, excited to see how it works, if it works, my artist signature lol… i will be making the Timpano on Sunday, recipe from Big Night, complete with Stanley Tucci ragu’, assuming the remainder of ingredients needed arrive in Saturday’s Instacart delivery… read an article on new thinking about the mathematics of the universe, the idea the universe does not contain infinite amounts of information as suggested by current theory, the new idea the result of considering mathematics developed 100 years ago, implies information can be created as the universe unfolds… i am wondering how, if, it fits with panpsychism… my readings in that direction have come to a standstill… the dogs sleeping quietly in the living room, waiting for me to suit up for my walk, which it is time to do…

April 09, 2020

220.6 lbs

4:55 AM – Home

… early to bed, early to rise… got new TV yesterday, to replace old, which crapped out early in the pandemic, glad to be back to evening couch potato mode… a couple of skin anomalies on my chest, need to keep an eye on, probably nothing, hoping i don’t need to see skin doctor, not under current need to protect myself circumstances, one more thing to worry about, this the hardest thing, having things to worry about and being alone with them… dogs are scamming me, they go out, then come back in and demand treats, then want to go out again… they are busy this morning, especially Fiona, the puppy, she is currently killing a crate pad…

April 08, 2020

222.2 lbs

4:41 AM – Home, alone

… the hum of the refrigerator, the sounds of the keyboard as i type, the dogs sleeping quietly in the living room, Christmas lights supplying cheer around me… things are not looking like they will get as bad in NY as feared, news stories of the underutilized additional hospital capacity, 2500 extra beds, less than 100 in use as of yesterday?… i am disheartened by this news, not happy that president will be able to say i told you so, you didn’t need all those beds and respirators, did we?… i believe in overreaction in a situation like this, it has been my mantra, and maybe we were more successful with sheltering in place than expected, i feel a little ashamed to feel this way, but i am so angry with this president that i don’t want him to be right about anything, i cannot abide the thought he might get re-elected… of course, i don’t honestly wish for it to be worse, i don’t wish for more people to die, more damage to be done, i just don’t want anything belying the presidential incompetence…

April 07, 2020

223.8 lbs

5:29 AM – Home

… as i went to bed last night it was in a state of anxiousness, exhaustion, irritation, H saying she will need to exit BI soon and wanting to talk with me about that, me not happy about it, i take to my bed so that i can ponder in my dreams with hopefully a better outlook in the morning, sleeping on it as they say… in reviewing my feelings this AM, i realize i am anxious about having to go out into the world and get her, anxious about her having to travel on a communal boat, anxious about whether or not when she gets home she will insist on having the news on all day long as she has done over the years, something i will not be able to stand and will have to tell her so… it will be good to have her home, news watching habits notwithstanding, to have dinners together, tend the garden together, talk to one another… i wonder how to quarantine her away from me until we know she hasn’t picked up the virus, do i lock her up in one bedroom and make her stay there for fourteen days?, that doesn’t seem reasonable, but what do you do?, cross fingers?, when the scientists question whether sharing the same air is enough to spread the contagion…

April 06, 2020

222.6 lbs

1:25 PM – Home, still

… annoyed today… on my morning walk a jogger went bounding by within three or four feet of me, what part of social distancing didn’t he get?, asshole… also, more people walking dogs, picking through the garbage for cans and bottles, etc., too many people, i wasn’t comfortable… Cuomo briefing hopeful, the curve flat for the past couple of days, we are all hoping we’ve reached the peak, if we have, it will be much lower than anyone expected… P arriving on BI on Thursday, lengthy text convo with H about it, it doesn’t sound like he is being careful enough… beginning to think I should plan to get H and bring her home in near future, maybe the virus curve will suggest that is possible… dogs and cat messing about… in a bit of an ornery mood today, not sure why… pretty day, thinking about doing some yard work later, early evening when UV rays are lower…

April 05, 2020

220.2 lbs

5:47 AM – Home, still

… i have ordered a big stamp pad with water soluble ink in it, months ago, maybe even a year or two, i found a large rubber stamp that was a fish, i thought, gee, that might be a good way to sign photographic prints, the fish stamp on the back, one of a kind, etc. etc., i have put off buying such a stamp pad because they are expensive, $50, seemed a lot, but it’s my birthday, so another b’day present, already bought a Luigi Ghirri photobook, neither will be here before a week or so… another photo book, purchased directly from the photographer, has arrived, but it is in quarantine for a few days, it comes from NYC, the epicenter of the virus outbreak in this country…

4:30 AM – Home

… my birthday, alone again, naturally… well, pandemically, made a nice pineapple upside down cake to celebrate… i have discovered that Alexa can play soothing background noise, the past two days i have listened to Japanese garden sounds, all day long, it is not tiresome, this morning i am listening to distant thunder storm sounds, it reminds me of Maine in the summer…

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