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Week 43

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October 24, 2020

229.2 lbs – water weight

08:46 AM – sitting, Fishkill Creek overlook, Madame Brett Trail

… HCR post depressing, about stacking the court with textualists, seems no choice but to remake the federal court system, i am tired of the minority telling the majority what to do… cloudy, flat light day, making lots of pics, not sure how good any are, Nikon today, advantage, higher quality and larger files, disadvantage, must wait for desktop to look, cull and edit… H up early today… Lightroom problems apparently solved, finished editing yesterday’s photos before coming out…

October 23, 2020

228.4 lbs

05:29 AM – my studio

… Lightroom crashed my computer again… i am thinking that i need to start a new catalog, perhaps it will reduce the burden… looking at my photos, liking them, wondering why nobody else does… i am hot, it is weird that the weather is so warm, will that change soon?…

04:48 AM – my studio

… my weight swings are bordering on bizarre, i am wondering if the scale is defective… the news, via HCR, that the Russians have hacked into state and local computer networks, a problem for the election, please, i just want it to be done and the US to move on… an article in Bulwark suggesting the election will be a blowout Biden win… apparently the debate was pretty much what i expected, a draw, as in, neither side changed their position much… what is a radical eye in photography?…

Ecce Homo, Gian Marco Sanna, Santolo Felaco
Ecce Homo, Gian Marco Sanna, Santolo Felaco

… an image that disturbs made less disturbing by being a negative, is it historical?, this would make the negative a good format too…

Ecce Homo, Marco Sanna, Santolo Felaco
Ecce Homo, Marco Sanna, Santolo Felaco

… these images seem intended to provoke strong emotions… my photographs don’t get much notice, on instagram, FB, they don’t deal with day to day living in the way that social media asks, i like them, not many other people seem to… i started posting sets from the day, as opposed to posting individual images, seemed more honest to what i was doing and gives an accurate reflection of how my x-hundred followers like my work, which is not much at all…

October 22, 2020

223.8 lbs

08:36 AM – sitting, Pocket Road Trail

… up the mountain today, halfway as i need to get back to make breakfast, late start… trying to get some more photos of foliage for S…

04:48 AM – my studio

… H getting up… can my weight really be down three pounds in 24 hours?… HCR post packed with so much shit, 45 administration being totally awful, debates tonight, can Biden seal the deal?, i hope so, will 45 sink himself some more?, i hope so… i have been photographing exclusively with the iPhone camera for over three weeks now, i wonder if this is a good move, i think it can be, i am getting good images, really nice images, the extra wide angle giving me some good effects… I write this as i look at a photograph that seems certain to have been taken with a very wide angle lens… Tim Walker photographs, weird and wonderful

Charles Jeffrey, Loverboy The Healing Spring/Summer, Photography, Tim Walker
Charles Jeffrey, Loverboy The Healing Spring/Summer, Photography, Tim Walker
Knipe, Kristina E.
Knipe, Kristina E.

an article about making capitalism great again, not sure it can be, but somethings got to be done…

Nydia Blas, rather erotic photograph, found in Lenscratch. Is she self pleasuring?
Nydia Blas, rather erotic photograph, found in Lenscratch. Is she self pleasuring?

Cuts, by Eugene Shinkle, this kind of project is right up my alley of course, phase magazine often publishes work i like, am thinking i should submit to them if that is possible… they have an open submissions process… it’s amazing how good i feel when i don’t drink too much alcohol the night before…

October 21, 2020

227.0 lbs

07:58 AM – sitting, kayak launch

… not feeling well, too much wine last night, heated discussion with H about interacting with my family on FB, kind of tired of her doing that, tired of drinking too much, times make it hard not to, need a break today… less than two weeks to election, looking good, fingers crossed, race tightening a bit, can’t imagine it, it should be more one sided than it is… foggy…

05:27 AM – my studio

… HCR says the race has tightened a little but that Biden still enjoys a wide spread lead over 45 which percolates right down to the district level… i look up Joanna Cresswell, her instagram account, which leads me to Elena Cremona’s instagram account, i discover the instagram story function, i’ve known it was there, but not how to use it, will start to post my image poems this way?…

October 20, 2020

226.0 lbs

08:10 AM – sitting, Beacon Falls

… ok walk, down MS, leisurely, listening to water pouring over the dam… changed menu tonight to Mediterranean Fish Stew from NYT, i have or can easily get most ingredients…

04:45 AM – my studio

… feeling a little wonky this AM… read two articles that disturb me, not exactly what i want to start the day with, one is HCR, the other is an article in a literary feed, review of a book, about 45 administration and what lead to it… H birthday celebration off to a good start, her present arrived, she likes it, steamed mussels for diner last night, per her request, i have decided to do the week of the seven fishes, or six fishes and one beef, to celebrate her birthday, contemplating making lobster thermidore, maybe… i woke up early this AM, about 3:15. But slept through the night, no peeing in the middle of the night… i continue reading Funny Weather, this chapter about David Hockney, British artist, who, Olivia Laing informs me:

spent a painstaking day lettering a note to himself on a chest of drawers at the end of his bed. ‘Get up and work immediately,’ it said, and he’s been obeying ever since.1

… this is me, i get up and work right away…

Years later, he confided to a friend that he did sometimes consider suicide, adding ‘we all have a deep desire to survive, because we like the experience of loving.’2

… i read about Hockney’s interest in “seasonality,” an interest i also have… having some thoughts about going out with Nikon today, coming down on side of sticking with iPhone… i read The Big Picture, by Ellen Bass, offered up by Maria Popova, Brain Pickingsphotographs by Cig Harveya French high school teacher is beheaded for showing cartoons of Muhammad, the suspect was shot dead later by police, the world is not comprehensible to me…

October 19, 2020

226.4 lbs

07:59 AM – walking

… Fiona abruptly woke H when i let her in to the bedroom this morning, scratched her head, pissed her off… i was taking a shower, she angrily bouncing around bedroom and bathroom… cloudy today, flat light day, no rain expected, i almost brought the Nikon but decided to stick with iPhone camera, enjoying being able to edit anywhere… feeling a little so-so, sleeping better in general, want to get digital clock for bedroom… i research an echo dot with clock and consider getting…

04:44 AM – my studio

… my happy place, my studio… first thing out of the bed, coffee making, Heather Cox Richardson, hand wringing about 45 trying to steal the election… we will see, signs are good that Biden should win, but it ain’t over till the zoftig lady sings, as they say… an article on the Mind Diet, really a set of guidelines for 10 foods to eat and five foods to avoid, dairy being one that i will have trouble with… we half adhere to the diet in any case, won’t be hard to go the rest of the way… I open up Funny Weather and prepare to read, Basquiat comes up, something about his mother giving him a copy of Gray’s Anatomy when he was in the hospital after being hit by a car… i get to the part about museum as white man’s plantation, and i think, sounds about right, artists don’t get the rewards of their work, galleries and gallerists ready to strip the profitability of their production from them, and all too often the profitability comes after they die, of course i know art should be made for the sake of making it, because we can’t not make it, but there ought to be a way for artists to eek out an existence while they make it… i have this renegade thought that i will give my art away, not sell it, or perhaps just trade it for art by others… i read now about Agnes Martin, about her mother who seemed venomous and abusive, was venomous and abusive, it channels my problematic relationship to J…

Little of her work from this period has survived, owing to her habit of destroying anything that failed to match up to the exacting vision of her maturity. This is why it sometimes seems that Martin sprang into existence fully-formed, absolute in her commitment to geometric abstraction.3

… my own habit of not wanting to release anything because i don’t think it is the best i can do…

October 18, 2020

226.4 lbs

08:43 AM – walking

… we live in chaos… a child and her father walking by, the stream talking in gay tongues, the occasional bird chatter, twitter, squawk…

08:06 – walking

… chaos by its very nature is not comprehensible… just as there are weather storms, there are human storms, they blow through, living in the midst of them is to live in the midst of incomprehensible unfoldings, only from a distant vantage point, space in the case of storms, looking back many years later in the case of human history, can anything comprehensible be made of a storm…

06:08 – my studio

… i used to think i was a risk taker, brave, in the end i realize i am a coward…

Frankly, the news was making me crazy. It was happening at such a rate that thinking, the act of making sense, felt permanently balked. Every crisis, every catastrophe, every threat of nuclear war was instantly overridden by the next. There was no possibility of passing through coherent stages of emotion, let alone thinking about responses or alternatives. It seemed as if people were stuck in a spin cycle of terrified paranoia.4

… from a discussion of the concepts of paranoid reading and restorative reading… then this, which is a very apt discussion of H’s pursuit of information and the news in particular, which she cannot seem to look away from for more than brief moments in time:

There was no possibility of passing through coherent stages of emotion, let alone thinking about responses or alternatives. It seemed as if people were stuck in a spin cycle of terrified paranoia.5

… and then this:

A paranoid reader is concerned with gathering information, tracing links and making the hidden visible. They anticipate and are perennially defended against disaster, catastrophe, disappointment. They are always on the lookout for danger, about which they can never, ever know enough.6

… so happy to be back to my studio where all my tools are available and work in an interactive, coordinated way, the downside of being on vacation, can’t do easily the things i care to do daily…

A useful analogy for what she calls ‘reparative reading’ is to be fundamentally more invested in finding nourishment than identifying poison.7

… and this:

We’re so often told that art can’t really change anything. But I think it can. It shapes our ethical landscapes; it opens us to the interior lives of others. It is a training ground for possibility. It makes plain inequalities, and it offers other ways of living. Don’t you want it, to be impregnate with all that light? And what will happen if you are?8

  1. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 32). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
  2. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 38). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition. David Hockney quote.
  3. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 22). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
  4. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 1). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
  5. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 1). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
  6. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 3). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
  7. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 4). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.
  8. Laing, Olivia. Funny Weather: Art in an Emergency (p. 8). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.

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