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WK 14-2021

03-27-2021

333.2 lbs

01:38 PM

… spring, the beauty of rebirth… feeling very good, hopeful, though darkness still threatens…

07:50 AM

… sitting by Fishkill Creek, water bubbling by, birds call and respond, sacred is nature… i read yesterday that long posts tend to be more successful than short ones, i will be doing both going forward, weekly long posts, daily short posts rising out of the long ones…

04:45 AM

… new scale, syncs with my phone, no more avoiding in the health app where my weight is really at… it seems more certain of what my weight is when i step on it… knowledge is power… i am determined to knock my weight down, pandemic be damned…

… starting right away with Simone de Beauvoir today, marching determinedly towards the end of the book, then i can move on to books in waiting of which there are many… need to read more, waste time in front of the TV less…

Rejecting logical principles and moral imperatives, skeptical about the laws of nature, woman lacks a sense of the universal; the world seems to her a confused collection of individual cases; this is why she more readily accepts a neighbor’s gossip than a scientific explanation; she doubtless respects the printed book, but this respect skims along the written pages without grasping the content; by contrast, the anecdote told by an unknown person waiting in a line or in a drawing room instantly takes on overwhelming authority; in her domain, everything is magic; outside, everything is mystery; she is ignorant of the criterion for credibility; only immediate experience convinces her: her own experience or another’s, as long as it is forcefully affirmed.1

… this passage is troublesome to me, it makes woman out to be a ninny, confuses the willingness to be steeped in magic with stupidity, it seems broadly condemning in a way that makes me wonder, is she ninny because societal pressures make her so?, or is she a ninny by nature?, or is she ninny at all?…

When a woman ecstatically utters, “This is a man!” she is evoking both the sexual vigor and the social effectiveness of the male she admires: in both are expressed the same creative sovereignty; she does not think he can be a great artist, a grand businessman, a general, or a chief without being a great lover: his social success is always a sexual attraction; inversely, she is ready to recognize genius in the man who satisfies her. She is, in fact, turning to a masculine myth here. The phallus for Lawrence and many others is both living energy and human transcendence. Thus in the pleasures of the bed, woman can see a communion with the spirit of the world. Worshipping man as in a mystical cult, she loses and finds herself in his glory.2

… i feel this viscerally in my feminine self, transcendence through the phallic intrusion, the lover that satisfies is genius, the genius must be a satisfying lover…

Man lives in a coherent universe that is a thought reality. Woman struggles with a magic reality that does not allow thinking: she escapes through thoughts lacking real content.3

… is this true now?… was it ever true?… i think hard about this… i realize that in some ways my experience with H confirms it… she often claims to be unable to comprehend the effects of power, possessing it, lacking it… she claims to not comprehend the things that power and the lack of it lead people to do… as primally driven as women are, she fails to accept the determinative nature of primal being… she posits an ideal world and is devastated that so many people fall short in it… to me, there is a logical cause and effect even if its substrate is something that has no logic… primal instinct is determinative in all cases… one wonders how that is changing if machines can “think” without the baggage of primal instinct?…

… we are in an historical moment where this fact has to be taken on board, that the power of the patriarchy is at stake, is threatened by the multiarchy…

This double belonging to the carnal world and to a “poetic” world defines the metaphysics and wisdom to which the woman more or less explicitly adheres. She tries to combine life and transcendence; this is to say she rejects Cartesianism and all doctrines connected to it; she is comfortable in a naturalism similar to that of the Stoics or Neoplatonists of the sixteenth century: it is not surprising that women, Margaret of Navarre being the first of them, should be attached to such a philosophy, at once so material and so spiritual.4

… i look up the definition of Manichaeism, there is something about a primal battle between light and darkness, i think about my Dark Matter body of work and wonder if i channel something feminine in nature with it, almost certainly i do…

Manichaeism taught an elaborate dualistic cosmology describing the struggle between a good, spiritual world of light, and an evil, material world of darkness. Through an ongoing process that takes place in human history, light is gradually removed from the world of matter and returned to the world of light, whence it came. Its beliefs were based on local Mesopotamian religious movements and Gnosticism. It revered Mani as the final prophet after Zoroaster, Gautama Buddha, and Jesus.5

Cartesians view the mind as being wholly separate from the corporeal body. Sensation and the perception of reality are thought to be the source of untruth and illusions, with the only reliable truths to be had in the existence of a metaphysical mind. Such a mind can perhaps interact with a physical body, but it does not exist in the body, nor even in the same physical plane as the body. The question of how mind and body interact would be a persistent difficulty for Descartes and his followers, with different Cartesians providing different answers.6

Neoplatonism is a strand of Platonic philosophy that emerged in the second century AD against the background of Hellenistic philosophy and religion. The term does not encapsulate a set of ideas as much as it encapsulates a chain of thinkers which began with Ammonius Saccas and his student Plotinus (c. 204/5 – 271 AD) and which stretches to the 5th century AD. Even though neoplatonism primarily circumscribes the thinkers who are now labeled neoplatonists and not their ideas, there are some ideas that are common to neoplatonic systems; for example, the monistic idea that all of reality can be derived from a single principle, “the One”.7

Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens in the early 3rd century BC. It is a philosophy of personal ethics informed by its system of logic and its views on the natural world. According to its teachings, as social beings, the path to eudaimonia (happiness, or blessedness) is found in accepting the moment as it presents itself, by not allowing oneself to be controlled by the desire for pleasure or by the fear of pain, by using one’s mind to understand the world and to do one’s part in nature’s plan, and by working together and treating others fairly and justly.8

… Simone de Beauvoir is nothing if not well read and studied…

… an article in Booooooom! On Milly Cope, young woman, naked men and women, i am centered on the women, my maleness follows her instagram feed, lots of self portraits exposing her various bits, and her struggles, there is a frankness to it i also appreciate…

Self portraits on a day in which I really thought the world was falling apart. These days happen often – life can really feel unbearable sometimes. It feels vulnerable to share these – but right. So much of what we wish to showcase to others is that we are happy, mentally and physically strong and beautiful and also feeling successful. When in reality we are all actually carrying the weight of our troubles but some of us just manage to hold it in more easily. It’s easier to wear a cloak that sugarcoats life and ourselves than reveal what is laying underneath the presentation of beautiful ‘togetherness’. We glorify togetherness – we love to look at people who at first glance have everything so perfectly ‘together’ – it feels admirable even, and maybe a bit impossible – a false reality, strangely idealistic. Like white picket fences and perfectly spaced roses. Everything beautiful, inoffensive and intact.

I have struggled with my mental health since I can remember – feelings of depression, being overwhelmed, isolated, lonely and very dissociated from the world (physically and mentally).

Living with anxiety has shaped my life in many ways, as much as I feel it destroys me and makes me weaker – it means I am sympathetic, creative and sensitive.

We forget to praise our own vulnerability and kindness. I do believe if there is anything to be in life the first thing should be kind to others & to attempt the journey to find the kindness for ourselves too.

I look back at these photos, in that day I thinking it was the end – thinking I am worthless and at best a failure. – to flash forward to days ahead in one of my best friends car on his birthday with the sunsetting behind us (after walking around the park hand in hand)- listening to new beautiful music that revealed a sense of peace, talking about the feeling of ‘coming home to yourself’. I am glad I stayed around, the amount of times I felt like calling it quits on life there was too many more times of beauty and sincerity. It does get better, it does. It feels hard, impossible sometimes, it does get better and you must stay to see it. We are all wonderfully crazy just mostly pretending otherwise.9

… this wonderful strange journey i am on, trying to understand what is woman and how my maleness and femaleness relates to woman… there is something of Francesca Woodman in Milly Cope, though her self portraits are less enigmatic, perhaps not as penetrating…

Self Portrait, Milly Cope
Self Portrait, Milly Cope

… Milly Cope talks about being frank and honest to the human experience, this is what i try to do here…

03-26-2021

332.0 lbs

04:40 AM

… glad to see my weight down… i ordered a new scale that measures lots of things beyond weight, do i want to know?, they say information is power…

… today we meet S and L at WAAM to see my solo show… praying to the god of sales that one or two more images sell…

… HCR all about voting rights this morning, and how, if Dems don’t move to change or eliminate the filibuster and pass HR1, S1, there will never be another democratic administration in this country, is it that bad really?, i hope not but fear it is…

… trying to make my way on micro.blog, i read up on what the accepted constraints on microblogging are, 300 words or less, so far i am “compliant” but nobody i’ve seen yet writes more than twitter sized posts and most of it is on inane stuff… the only one that remotely interests me is a guy who posted a photo submission call, there seems to be more substance to him but i don’t think his photography is that great… i like the format though, and the way things present, it seems a good home for Notes On Attention Paid…

… Simone de Beauvoir… relentlessly about the powerlessness of woman, the power of man, to what?, act!, to make changes in the world!, in their lives… my observations of C and J reveals the truth of this… but, i have this nagging feeling that there is a yin and yang to this, that feminine power lies in the cycles, male power resides in changing or commanding the cycles… just now, i think about my tree project and think it is nothing if not about the cycles, about persistence, and i think about the planet and the solar system and it is nothing if not about the cycles, the repetitions, and how humankind yearns to break free of the cycles yet can’t help themselves as breaking free is destruction of the cycles, i can’t help but feel that Simone de Beauvoir resents the cycles and envies man in action, this before she could realize that action means destruction… i should not be misunderstood here, women should be actors if they want to be, home makers and mothers if they want to be, both if they want to be, but men too should break the shackles of maleness and be home makers and caregivers if they want to be, gender roles in society should be fluid… this is how i experience things, and if they are, will fewer of us insist on destructive action?…

… i return again and again to Herman Melville and Moby Dick, a towering accomplishment in the world, a definitive act that notes the folly of mans need to act, to seize fate from the jaws of the whale, to command nature, to engage in commodity enterprise, and yet, the conclusion is, attainable felicity is the sum of simple things, the hearth, the wife, the horse, etc…

It is surely because her life takes place against a background of powerless revolt that the woman cries so easily; she undoubtedly has less physiological control of her nervous and sympathetic systems than the man; her education taught her to let herself go: orders and instruction play a great role here since, although Diderot and Benjamin Constant shed rivers of tears, men stopped crying when custom forbade it for them.10

… the ability to cry when one is upset is not necessarily a bad thing, at any rate, something has hit me, that there is a great need for gender, the social construct, to be fluid, for men to be allowed to be “feminine,” woman to be “masculine,” if that is how they incline, masculinity and femininity are not tied perfectly to biology, yes there are differences, but it is as much a “sin” to condemn woman to a passive role if she has an active spirit, as it is to condemn man to an active role if his spirit is passive… and i don’t much like the term passive, the roles of cycles and cycle breakers perhaps… and, one should not expect these roles, even if allowed to be fluid, to be fixed, as there may be cycle breaking and cycle maintenance periods of life…

It is also in part because such brutal means (of suicide) are repugnant to them: they almost never use knives or firearms. They drown themselves more readily, like Ophelia, showing woman’s affinity for water, passive and full of darkness, where it seems that life might be able to dissolve passively.11

… water as the feminine principle, the depths representing the irrational, the beyond rational, the force of life… and…

… the woman does not sincerely seek to take leave of what she detests. She plays at rupture but in the end remains with the man who makes her suffer; she pretends to leave the life that mistreats her, but it is relatively rare for her to kill herself. She does not favor definitive solutions: she protests against man, against life, against her condition, but she does not escape from it.12

… do i recognize C here?… myself?… R?…

Misogynists who accuse woman of “always being late” think she lacks “the sense of exactitude.” In truth, we have seen how docilely she adapts to the demands of time. Being late is deliberate. Some flirtatious women think that this is the way to excite the desire of the man, who will thus attach more importance to their presence; but above all, in keeping a man waiting for a few minutes, the woman protests against this long wait that is her own life.13

… hmmm… sounds familiar… this…

The notion of miracle differs from the idea of magic: from within a rationally determined world a miracle posits the radical discontinuity of an event without cause against which any thinking shatters, whereas magic phenomena are united by secret forces of which a docile consciousness can embrace the continuous becoming—without understanding it.14

… miracles require a rational and orderly world, magic is different, it is mysterious forces and fluidity, the attempt of gender fluidity and racial equity to rise is the battle of the mysterious against the rational, the patriarchy against the multiarchy…

… and this…

It is understandable why, from this perspective, woman objects to masculine logic. Not only does it have no bearing on her experience, but she also knows that in men’s hands reason becomes an insidious form of violence; their peremptory affirmations are intended to mystify her.15

… and this…

The woman does not positively think that the truth is other than what men claim: rather, she holds that there is no truth. It is not only life’s becoming that makes her suspicious of the principle of identity, nor the magic phenomena surrounding her that ruin the notion of causality: it is at the heart of the masculine world itself, it is in her as belonging to this world, that she grasps the ambiguity of all principles, of all values, of all that exists. She knows that when it comes to her, masculine morality is a vast mystification. The man pompously drums his code of virtue and honor into her; but secretly he invites her to disobey it: he even counts on this disobedience; the whole lovely facade he hides behind would collapse without it.16

… there is no truth?… this rings profound in an age when we find that truth consists only of that which supports ones position in the world… the carefully constructed edifice of scientific truth is meaningless when the wills to power collide, and especially when the currently powerful stand to loose their power… truth has no bearing, only the defense of the power and order that privileges the defenders… at these times, chaos breaks out, and the existing power structure is confirmed or a new power structure with a new set of truths to contain the faithful emerges…

… de Beauvoir is powerful in the current run of pages… i have hit the 100 pages to go mark, the downhill run… soon, on to other books…

… on to Feedly, i review my Pitchfork feed, Promises, by Pharoah Sanders and the London Symphony Orchestra gets a rating of 9.0, Best New Music, i read the beginning of the review, it is described as a late-career masterpiece, i immediately tune in on Spotify, so far, the sounds i am hearing are beautiful… i am almost in tears, this morning has been revelatory…

… an article on The African Lookbook: A Visual History of 100 Years of African Women, i place an order at Amazon… it will be here tomorrow… my photobooks on women in photography are piling up…

The African Lookbook: A Visual History of 100 Years of African Women
The African Lookbook: A Visual History of 100 Years of African Women

… another woman photographing women in the nude, and there is something different about the gaze… Iringo Demeter, She Is Warm

She Is WarmPhotography by Iringó Demeter
She Is WarmPhotography by Iringó Demeter

… this picture, channeling fertility goddess statues, fecund, pregnant feminine form…

03-25-2021

234.2 lbs

… today’s omelette… 2 extra large fresh eggs, 2 tbs egg white, pepper, grated salt cured egg yolk, 1 1/2 tbs butter, good form, but not as good as yesterday, stuck a little, good color, tasted good…

04:21 AM

… i don’t know what is going on with this relentless upward march of my weight, i have upped my walking, i think i am eating less, drinking less, water weight?, time for a purge… i am up extra early after some weird dreams, i don’t think the dreams woke me, more the product of starting to come to?…

… i made a first post on micro.blog, a Simone de Beauvoir quote, a photograph of a mannequin in fancy dress in a shop window, the femininity de Beauvoir is writing about…

… i read Bryan Formhals for a clue to how one might write about their daily production, his missives are weekly, about his walks around the city, but he is moving back to St. Cloud Minnesota, land of the restricted vote…

… the battle over voting rights is coming to a head, states enacting voting laws that would allow them to overturn election results, HR1, now S1 making its way through congress as a counter attack, the filibuster is going to have to be changed if not eliminated to get it through…

One of their typical features is resignation. When the ashes of Pompeii’s statues were dug out, it was observed that the men were caught in movements of revolt, defying the sky or trying to flee, while the women were bent, withdrawn into themselves, turning their faces toward the earth. They know they are powerless against things: volcanoes, policemen, employers, or men.17

… men act, women resign themselves to their fate?…

… women always try to keep, to fix, to arrange rather than to destroy and reconstruct anew; they prefer compromises and exchanges to revolutions.18

… one of my fundamental questions about woman today is, what is her true nature?, as she has entered the arenas of men, have the arenas changed her?, or has she change the arenas?… my hope has always been that women would change the arenas for the better, i am less sure of that now, one fills the voids of the opportunities that present themselves, power corrupts, are women power corruptible?…

It is mainly because she has never experienced the powers of liberty that she does not believe in liberation: the world to her seems governed by an obscure destiny against which it is presumptuous to react.19

… and…

If she appears to man as such a “physical” being, it is because her condition incites her to attach a great deal of importance to her animality.20

… a woman who’s only recourse is to be objectified becomes the object…

… again and again de Beauvoir rails against the mundane lot of woman in the home, of tending home fires, tending the daily and ever repeating cycles of life, but i return again to the idea that “felicity” is repeatedly claimed by men who have done great things to not be found in the great doings, but rather in the humble things, the daily rhythms… and how does one reconcile great doings when such doings condemn Mother Earth, from which all bounty flows, to death?… can a life be worth living that is confined to humility and life supporting ritual?…

… switching gears, a short animated film on ocean plastics… a beautiful animation, but will it convince anyone to stop tossing plastic when the effects are so remote?…

an article on a new soda company, United Sodas, with color coded cans and supposedly healthier and flavorful drinks inside the can… i wonder when i will have my first sighting of the cans flattened in the street?…

… the designs actually look a bit boring to me…

… another book i will have to get to add to my library, Girlhood, a book of essays on growing up woman by Melissa Febos

The abuse and subjugation of women’s bodies has been considered the right of men for much longer than it hasn’t. I mean, think of the resistance to affirmative consent legislation—people get really bent out of shape at the idea of men even being expected to ask before they touch you. They would rather women have sex they don’t want than have men suffer the supposed awkwardness of asking for verbal consent.21

I used to sit in school looking at the people around me, and marvel at how perverse it was that we all walked around in makeup and plucked out our body hair and talked about bullshit all day. I was acutely aware of the fact that human society as I knew it—capitalism, patriarchy, manners—were all just one way things could have gone, a set of narratives that we collectively decided to collude in every minute of every day. I guess I wanted out.22

… i ordered a copy, or should say, pre-ordered, probably good i don’t have it right away, still trying to finish de Beauvoir… i think about the possible focus of my micro.blog effort, a late in life man trying to understand what womanhood is… is that even possible?… it must be possible to gain a male referenced understanding of what woman is subjected to…

03-24-2021

232.8 lbs

10:15 AM

… testing the new update feature… it works!, plus i fixed the <em> issue!, posting just got easier… i pondered something for posting to micro.blog, but couldn’t imagine what i wanted to do or perhaps how to do it… i am thinking i want to post some sort of daily summery or highlighting of this blog effort, but couldn’t settle on what to copy over or summarize, not sure what the purpose will be… probably need to ruminate on it for a while…

08:10 AM

… thinking, walking, SDNY on my mind, i wonder what it will be like, what it will get in the way of, will i serve on a jury?… cloudy, rain later, Fishkill Creek flows by energetically, birds peeping, singing, call, response… a propeller plane, a jet plane… i sit on a bench dedicated to George Harrison, a small plaque confirms it, the art of O…

04:44 AM

… distressed about my weight this AM, back to calorie counting, this after a day of more than 15K steps…

… in summing the case of the condition of women, i am left to wonder, is it really as bad as she thinks?… things have changed, i do the work of woman, fulfill the role of woman, i don’t mind it, this idea of being able to act on the world, it isn’t all it is purported to be, i have made the point before… in any case, women are increasingly actors in the world, taking their place with men, in war, in politics, in business… it is a legitimate question, do they behave that much differently when they have the power?… certainly not with guns in their hands, but with power in their hands?… their view shifts to the action upon the world view and it is not clear they interpret the dictates and desired outcomes of that world any differently…

Woman’s lot is obedience and respect. She has no grasp, even in thought, on this reality that involves her. It is an opaque presence in her eyes. That means she has not learned the technology that would enable her to dominate matter; as for her, she is not fighting with matter but with life, and life cannot be mastered by tools: one can only submit to its secret laws.23

… “she is not fighting with matter, but with life, and life cannot be mastered by tools: one can only submit to its secret laws.”… i don’t get where the fighting with matter is better, i have been learning to make the classic French omelette, it is difficult, it is alchemy, a sparse set of ingredients, a particular desired result, how much heat?, what additives?, what pan?, how to maintain the pan?, what tools to manipulate?, ah, here tools do enter into the business of alchemy… the choice between being an agent in the world and an alchemist?, it is only that the economy of the world puts an emphasis on agency, not alchemy, not being steeped in the mysteries of life…

… i was tweaking and considering my project on “The Tree”… i like the project, but it does not yet move me deeply… i have a good set of images, but something seems lacking… the tree is symbolic to me, have i transmitted enough of its mystery?…

Daily cooking teaches her patience and passivity; it is alchemy; one must obey fire, water, “wait for the sugar to melt,” the dough to rise, and also the clothes to dry, the fruit to ripen.24

… patience and passivity, these are not bad things, alchemy of cooking, this is not an uninteresting thing, and it is only alchemy because one needs to develop instincts about it… the condition of woman is only bad in that society constrains all women to a particular interpretation of what their natural condition is, restrains those women who feel destined for something else, this should not be, that society is best which releases its members to be what they feel destined for… instead, those in power, still mostly men, organize it as a slave system to serve their needs and enhance their wealth, there is little that naturally confines women to certain roles, Black and Brown people, Asian people, they all enter into servitude under men, white men in particular…

They specifically like Law and Order to be embodied in a chief. In all Olympus, there is one sovereign god; the prestigious virile essence must be gathered in one archetype of which father, husband, and lovers are merely vague reflections. It is somewhat humorous to say that their worship of this great totem is sexual; what is true is that women fully realize their infantile dream of abdication and prostration. In France, the generals Boulanger, Pétain, and de Gaulle have always had the support of women; one remembers the purple prose of L’Humanité’s women journalists when writing about Tito and his beautiful uniform. The general or the dictator—eagle eye, prominent chin—is the celestial father the serious universe demands, the absolute guarantor of all values.25

… a clue to the attraction of some women to 45 and men like him?… the patriarchal configuration is compelling and it is that configuration that is being challenged, and the rise of authoritarianism is the reaction to this challenge, it remains to be seen if the multiarchy will succeed in supplanting it or be suppressed… the outcome is not clear…

The respect women grant to heroes and to the masculine world’s laws stems from their powerlessness and ignorance; they acknowledge these laws not through judgment but through an act of faith: faith draws its fanatical power from the fact that it is not knowledge: it is blind, passionate, stubborn, and stupid; what it puts forward is done unconditionally, against reason, against history, against all refutation.26

… this difficult slippery thing that the feminine disposition more readily, but not exclusively, taps into… i think men are as capable of being lost to blind faith as women, to be honest…

… i signed up for a new microblogging platform, not clear what i intend to do with it, but it has direct connection to Ulysses, so i wanted to give it a try… i wonder if something like a summary of this content might be good for that platform?…

an article on Henrik Purienne’s photo book, Saint Laurent Rive Droite, this image…

… all the images compel me, but they are the trope of patriarchal sexuality, woman as plaything… this is why they engage me powerfully… fashion is sexuality…

… enough of reading and reviewing this AM, i want to look at my project on The Tree, see if i really think it is Photography Now worthy…

03-23-2021

05:10 AM

… i have received notification that i am being considered for jury duty in the federal court system, Southern District of New York, hmmm, i posted on FB, that could be interesting… i am in a good frame of mind, have been for several days, things are looking up in the pandemic world, we are a full week into being vaccinated, mid April for second dose, end of April for full vaccine coverage…

… HCR writing again about the filibuster, that it will be essential to pass HR1, that modification if not elimination of the filibuster rule will be required to do it, Republican threaten scorched earth use of it if Democrats change the rules, however, what hangs in the balance is who will govern the country for the foreseeable future, if we are to take HCR’s analysis as gospel, failure to pass HR1 will put government in the hands of the conservatives for the foreseeable future and, similarly, passing it will put government in the hands of liberals for the foreseeable future, the stakes are existential for both parties… the Biden/Harris administration is moving a 3 trillion dollar infrastructure bill forward and early reporting indicates it is only partially paid for by proposed tax increases, i do worry about the national debt, however, i think the economy would benefit from such a package, are we heading for high inflation in our old age?…

… Simone de Beauvoir is now talking about the intense jealousy mothers feel towards their son’s wife… i have certainly experienced parental dynamics but not quite of the kind suggested by de Beauvoir… she spends a lot of time on the dysfunctions that can develop between mothers and their sons and daughters, seemingly emphasizing the more extreme possibilities, to what end?… does she wish to dispel once and for all that there is anything to be gained from a woman’s entering into marriage and family life?…

A mother must have a rare mixture of generosity and detachment to find enrichment in her children’s lives without becoming a tyrant or turning them into her tormentors.27

But in any case, it is rare for a woman to find in posterity—natural or selected—a justification of her declining life: she fails to make the enterprise of these young existences her own. Either she persists in the effort to appropriate it, consumed in the struggles and dramas that leave her disappointed and broken; or she resigns herself to a modest participation. This is the most common case.28

… isn’t this true for everyone?, man or woman?… we grow up, reach our prime, then fade, for some it is a longer prime and slower fading, for most, the arc is the same, in some endeavors we can continue to shine well beyond our prime years, but in the serious endeavors that remunerate us, we are gradually pushed out and become irrelevant… older societies once valued the wisdom of age, the fast paced new world, not so much…

… on to my Feedly feed, an article on the Violence Against Women Act and Republican resistance to it, this…

Thanks largely to the National Rifle Association’s lobbying efforts, congressional Republicans are so afraid of any legislation within sniffing distance of the Second Amendment that they would rather see more women die at the hands of abusers than make even minor procedural concessions on gun control.29

… in general, a meandering article that seems to use the Atlanta shootings as a jumping off point to discuss toxic masculinity and misogyny, arguing that neither is a mental health issue and viewing them as such, the author claims, excuses the behavior… i have a hard time seeing how anger towards women or general anger focused on women to the point of killing them is not a mental health issue… also, and H and i have agreed to respectfully disagree on interpretation of this incident, but it seems significant that so far, federal authorities have not been willing to classify the shootings as a hate crime and i think there is good reason for that… as i think i have said before, i have had my own brush with sexual compulsion and understand on some level the mental anguish it can cause and can only imagine how much worse that might be if you considered yourself devoutly religious and therefor sining to the max in the midst of your compulsion, i, at least, only had to deal with the shame from feeling aberrant and unable to stop… this is something i don’t think anyone can understand unless they have been through some form of it…

… i am on the verge of a rabbit hole from Brain Pickings, a post on the book, In Praise of Shadows, by Junichiro Tanizaki, this…

We find beauty not in the thing itself but in the patterns of shadows, the light and the darkness, that one thing against another creates… Were it not for shadows, there would be no beauty.30

… and this, relevant to my Dark Matter body of work…

Darkness is an indispensable element of the beauty of lacquerware… (Traditional lacquerware) was finished in black, brown, or red, colors built up of countless layers of darkness, the inevitable product of the darkness in which life was lived.31

03-22-2021

231.0 lbs

05:44 AM

… early to bed, late to rise, relatively speaking, animals more than the usual interruption this AM… a disturbing post by HCR, about the Supreme Court’s apparent willingness to revisit the “nondelegation doctrine,” a legal argument made first in the 1930’s as a means of undermining the New Deal… according to this doctrine, Congress does not have the constitutional authority to delegate its responsibilities, which means that all federal agencies established to carry out the laws of congress would be unconstitutional, i.e., most of federal government… it seems unimaginable that the court would do such a thing, though it was narrowly averted in the 30’s due to FDR’s threat to pack the courts and general lack of popularity with the people… it seems something similar may be necessary here…

In November 2019, the same day that then-Senate Majority Leader McConnell boasted on Twitter that the Senate had confirmed more than 160 new federal judges since Trump took office (one out of every four) and would continue to confirm them as fast as possible, Justice Kavanaugh sided with Justice Gorsuch– Trump appointees both– to say the Court should reexamine whether or not Congress can delegate authority to administrative agencies. Along with Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Thomas, they believe that the Constitution forbids such delegation. If Justice Barrett sides with them, the resurrection of that doctrine will curtail the modern administrative state that since the 1930s has regulated business, provided a basic social safety net, and promoted infrastructure.

As Justice Elena Kagan points out, the nondelegation doctrine would mean that “most of Government is unconstitutional.”32

this article on OK-RM book designs featuring the work of artist Coco Capitan reminds me that i want to take another run at producing some booklets on my work…

… and now i am looking at Coco Capitan’s website and i am really loving it… this, from her photography project, “HIGHWAY TO DiSAPPEARANCE”

Coco Capitan, Highway to Disappearance
Coco Capitan, Highway to Disappearance

… the project encourages my various explorations of non-human subject matter…

… an article on an 18,000-year-old Conch shell that is believed to have been modified to be a musical instrument… you can actually hear it being played

Marine shell of Charonia lampas from Marsoulas cave in France. (A) Side view. (B) Front view and naming of the anatomical areas. (C) Vestiges of red pigment preserved on the columella (image enhanced with Dstretch-rgb0). (D) Tracing of red dots and lines visible on the enhanced photo. Very similar red dots, produced with the fingertips, are present on the walls of the cave. (5) Set of red dots forming a bison silhouette (length, 1.10 m). (6) Geometric sign formed by a double line of dots. [Photos (A to C, E, and F): C. Fritz; drawing (D): G. Tosello.] (image via Science Advances)
Marine shell of Charonia lampas from Marsoulas cave in France. (A) Side view. (B) Front view and naming of the anatomical areas. (C) Vestiges of red pigment preserved on the columella (image enhanced with Dstretch-rgb0). (D) Tracing of red dots and lines visible on the enhanced photo. Very similar red dots, produced with the fingertips, are present on the walls of the cave. (5) Set of red dots forming a bison silhouette (length, 1.10 m). (6) Geometric sign formed by a double line of dots. [Photos (A to C, E, and F): C. Fritz; drawing (D): G. Tosello.] (image via Science Advances)

03-21-2021

232.8 lbs

… today’s omelette… 2 fresh eggs, 2 tbs store bought egg white, salt, pepper, fresh thyme, olive oil, butter… no sticking, general good form and texture, not perfect cigar but getting closer, issues with rolling up, almost a little too dense to fold, maybe a little less egg white?…

05:29 AM

… not happy about my weight, must start counting calories again, need to get back under 230… met up with S and S and T at WAAM yesterday to look at my solo show, it was good to see them and i am grateful they made the effort… then we drove up to Hudson to see S’s new restaurant space, we had a nice chat, ate some great food at a bodega down the block, explored the blocks around, i think she has made a good choice of location, it’s a transitioning neighborhood, young people around, i suspect success is possible, nice space, nice location…

  1. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (pp. 654-655). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  2. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (pp. 655-656). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  3. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 656). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  4. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 658). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manichaeism
  6. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cartesianism
  7. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neoplatonism
  8. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism
  9. Cope, Millyhttps://www.instagram.com/p/CM5VxPzgF7F/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
  10. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 647). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  11. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 649). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  12. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 649). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  13. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 649). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  14. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (pp. 650-651). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  15. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 651). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  16. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 651). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  17. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 642). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  18. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 642). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  19. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 643). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  20. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (pp. 643-644). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  21. Febos, Melissa https://www.guernicamag.com/melissa-febos-trailheads-of-discomfort/
  22. Febos, Melissa, https://www.guernicamag.com/melissa-febos-trailheads-of-discomfort/
  23. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 639). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  24. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 639). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  25. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 641). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  26. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 641). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  27. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 632). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  28. De Beauvoir, Simone. The Second Sex (p. 633). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
  29. https://thebulwark.com/?p=72504
  30. Tanizaki, Junichiro, In Praise of Shadows, via Brain Pickings, https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/05/28/in-praise-of-shadows-tanizaki/
  31. Tanizaki, Junichiro, In Praise of Shadows, via Brain Pickings, https://www.brainpickings.org/2015/05/28/in-praise-of-shadows-tanizaki/
  32. https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/march-21-2021
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